The Clubhouse

When I was a little girl, I used to invite my neighbor girls over to play "club". Any kind of club would do, from the "Lisa Frank Sticker Club" to the "Kitty Cat Club". I had a fantastic clubhouse in the backyard of our house, and I spent many hours a day hanging out there with my friends. My clubs were exclusive, no boys allowed. My poor brother would run around the yard with his friends, and beg to come into the clubhouse. He was only allowed in it when I was out running around town, trying to find cats to steal for our "Kitty Cat Club". Have no fear, my mother was quick to address the issue of stealing our neighbors cats.

My friends and I spent all summer coming and going from that clubhouse. We not only used it for our "meetings", we also had occasional Friday night sleepovers, and Wednesday afternoon reading time. We ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the clubhouse, and we colored pictures for our moms. We made flyers advertising our current club, and brainstormed ideas and names for the next great club. One of which may or may not have included selling bird feeders made out of milk jugs and bird seed that we stole from my mom (I'm starting to notice a pattern here that I've cleary been in denial over for many years).

Now I'm older and most of the "Lisa Frank Sticker Club" members belong to a new club. A club that doesn't have a membership fee of sticker trades, a club that allows membership to anyone who applies, and even some who aren't sure if they want to sign the club agreement. A club where the rules aren't taped to the inside of the door, and you can't give up and change the name when it gets boring. Their new club doesn't collect kitties, either.

I want to be a member of the Mommy Club, but I think my invitation is lost in the mail.

One day, though, I hope it arrives. And I hope it has a big fat Lisa Frank sticker right on the front.

*Clubhouse pictures taken May 10, 2009. Roughly 17 years after I last climbed the ladder.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming...

I do not normally come to this blog to talk about my "trying to conceive" (ttc) issues. I write about them over here though, and if you're ever interested in our progress, you can check it out! I only wanted to bring attention to National Infertility Awareness Week, and I'm glad so many people were able to hear a fraction of my story. I received lots of emails and Facebook messages aside from the comments on my last post, and I just want to thank everyone for your kind, encouraging, loving messages. I am blessed to have you all in my life.

Moving on.

As you may have noticed, Onceuponacline.com has recently undergone a makeover! Beth from I Should Be Folding Laundry and RubyandRoja was lovely to work with, and her vision for my bloggy and twitter makeover was more than I could have imagined.

It was funny, though, how a blog design could make me reflect on the past, and think about the present. Yes, "Once Upon A Cline" is an obvious play on "Once Upon A Time". But as I was thinking about the similarities, I was forced to accept the fact that my life, and my marriage, are not perfect. If you've been around my blogs (here and here) for a few years, you may recall a post about my desire for perfection (of course, I would like to link it, and I can't find it). But the general idea of that post went like this:

As I sat in the Student Union with my Bible Study leader Laura, I told her I just couldn't do it all anymore. I was a full-time student with a part-time job, I sang on the worship team for our weekly Campus Crusade meeting, I lead worship for a Friday afternoon gathering of students, I sang on the worship team at my church, I had 3 different rehearsal nights a week, I was committed to a Bible Study, and two different dicipleships - the one I was being discipled in, and the one where I was discipling. I had a boyfriend and a roommate and a sorority, and I just couldn't do it anymore. And as I cried over my Iced Tea, I told her I never thought I would get there.

"Get where, Natalie?" she asked me gently.

"I don't think I'll ever be perfect".

And with tears streaming down both our faces, she grabbed my hands from across the table, and kindly assured me that I would, in fact, NEVER attain perfection. If I was perfect, I wouldn't need a Saviour.

Five years after that conversation, my manager at work took me out for lunch for my employee evaluation and told me I was doing so well, and that she was really proud of me for how much I'd learned in the past few months. Her only suggestion was to be more willing to accept my mistakes, and to learn from them. She said I was too hard on myself, and I needed to let people help me fix my mistakes, and I needed to be teachable. And right there in the middle of that restaurant, the tears streamed down my face again. She looked shocked, and apologized if she'd said something that upset me, and I told her the story above. And I realized that I hadn't accepted what Laura told me back in 2003; I was still striving for perfection, for that unattainable goal.

Today, I am content with being less than perfect. My marriage is far from perfect. I say things to my husband that I am ashamed of, I yell. There is laundry to be done. My car is messy, and my work desk looks like a tornado blew through the building. I can't cook, I'm a terrible housekeeper, I gossip. I don't do my hair most days, I don't spend time picking out my clothes, and you're lucky to catch me with matching socks.

So my "Once Upon A Cline" is not a story of a perfect fairy tale, where the prince rides in to rescue the princess, kissing her to awaken her from a deep sleep, whilst she dreamed of mice and carriages, and glass slippers. I think I got that wrong. Anyhow...

My "Once Upon A Cline" is my far-from-perfect tale, pool guy rides in to save HR Manager, shaking her to awaken from a deep sleep in which she talks of non-sense and occasionally snores, whilst dreaming of flip-flops, carry out pizza, and someone to mop the floor. A step-sister, if you will. And usually, the princess in this story is drooling on the pillow.

And it's the Fairy Tale I've been waiting for all along.

National Infertility Awareness Week. Cool.

I know we haven’t been trying that long. I know that there are people out there who have been trying for weeks and months and years longer than we have. It doesn’t help though. When your only desire is to be a mother, and it’s the only thing you can’t have, it doesn’t help to know you’re not alone.

When I was 19, I started babysitting for a precious 6 week old named Addison. Her parents trusted me to take care of her, and I treated her like she was my own daughter. I would bring my homework to do while she was sleeping, but I never got anything accomplished because when she would finally fall asleep, I would just watch her. I thought she was an incredible miracle, and I wanted to take it all in. When she cried, I consoled her. When she had accidents, I bathed her. When she grew and started to crawl, I chased her around the house. She was my little baby, and for 28 hours a week, I got to play mom. I loved every minute of it, and when I moved away for college, leaving her was almost as hard as leaving the rest of my family.

I have a yearning deep within to nurse, cloth diaper, and make my own baby food. I long to be the one to dry the tears, bandage the boo-boos, and monitor the phone calls; the bad guy who turns off the light for bed time, makes my child eat their veggies, and doesn’t let my daughter leave the house in that outfit. I want to be the mother my own mother was to me.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and I am happy to share this video with you, even though it brings me to tears every time I watch it.



To the women who have gone before me and are struggling currently, crying through the fertility treatments, being devastated with the absence of lines on the pregnancy test, dealing with the questions of “when are you going to have a baby?”, truly, my thoughts are with you.

*Also posted at my blog over here, at conceiveonline.com. Stop by and visit us there, to get information and support regarding fertility.

Contest Winner!

I'll be back in a little bit to talk about my new blog design, but since it is (just past) 9:00, I wanted to announce the winner of the sandwich wrap! Random.org picked #11 (if I could figure out how to show you this, I totallly would, but I can't figure it out!)

Mimi wins! Check your email for details!

True Story.

Oh! I had a great post typed up and then decided I'm gonna save it for a rainy day!

So instead, I posted over here, and it's pretty great too. And by great, I mean, rather boring and dreary. But it's still a post, and hey, at least it's true and not a made up story.

Earth Day Giveaway!

*Edit at the bottom!

Aaron works outside everyday, traveling from house to house, diagnosing and fixing "pool problems". Because he is visiting customer's homes, and isn't usually in prime location for stopping to get lunch, I pack a sandwich, cereal, chips, cookies, a multitude of assorted snacks and an "I love you" note for him. Daily. The other guys at work ask their wives why they can't pack their lunches like I pack for Aaron. The wives hate me, the men want to be married to me. Sorry fellas, I'm taken. By a man who appreciates a great peanut butter and marshmellow fluff sandwich.

Because I am trying to be more Earth Friendly (right in time for Earth Day!), I am teaming up with Mama Bee to give one of my lucky readers a reuseable sandwich wrap!

Whether you are packing a sandwich for your kids lunch box or to make your husbands co-workers jealous, you will love this wrap! The inside of the wrap is laminated and can be wiped clean, and the velcro closure allows for various sized sandwiches.

I have to give this one away, but you'd better believe I am ordering one for Aaron, one for myself, and matching snack bags (pictured below). Not only are they cute (don't tell Aaron I'm packing cute things in his lunch box), they are better for the enviroment than all of the plastic bags I am ashamed to admit I've thrown away.

Please stop by Mama Bee's Etsy shop or blog and take a look at her items!

To enter the contest, leave a comment below with your plans for celebrating Earth Day, or what you and your family are doing to use less!

*I know I'm not supposed to edit giveaways, but Mama Bee informed me that if you purchase an item from her shop and enter the promotional code "first free stuff", you will receive a FREE GIFT! Thanks, Beth!

Extra comment for each time you twitter, but then come back here and leave another comment.

Contest ends Tuesday, April 28th at 9:00 pm, winner will be notified by email. You don't need to have a blog to enter, just make sure to leave an email address.

Good luck!

Tweet!

We had a great time at the NWI Tweet-Up benefiting the NWI Humane Society today. Corrin organized a good time for a great cause!

The Tweet-Up was held at a cute little coffee shop in Merrillville, Spill the Beans. They have a very warm and comfortable atmosphere, and the staff are really friendly and gracious.

Thanks for organizing the Tweet-Up Corrin! Lots of fun!