"Ms. Cline, my name is Dr. Goldberg. I am the neonatologist on call. Your baby is in the NICU. You'll be able to see her soon."
**********
I took the pregnancy test on October 2 and it was instantly positive. This was not part of our plan. Not even part of our five-year plan. I was terrified and not sure that my heart could handle loving two children. McKinley was my whole world and I was scared of what our relationship would look like with another child in the family.
I spent most of my pregnancy telling people that we were excited, even though it wasn't planned. I think I was mostly trying to convince myself that everything would be okay. Everyone told me that once she was here, my heart would just grow. That I wouldn't have to love McKinley less, but that my heart would become capable of loving even more.
I had terrible debilitating pelvic pain from 22 weeks on. The chiropractor told me it was sciatic pain. I tried to treat it with alternating ice packs and heat therapy, but nothing seemed to work. It was difficult to walk most days, so I found myself crawling to the bathroom in the middle of the night. At my check ups, the doctor would ask how I was feeling, and I would say fine except for the sciatic pain. At 37 weeks, she saw me walk into the exam room for the first time. When she came in to see me, she told me that she could tell just by watching me walk that I was not dealing with sciatic pain. She asked me a few questions, made me do some stretches and poses and then diagnosed me with symphysis pubis dysfunction. My own research had led me to that conclusion, but I felt silly trying to diagnose myself and it seemed dramatic to tell your doctor that you think that's what you have. She confirmed it though. And that 37 week appointment went from a routine checkup to talking about a repeat cesarean.
I went home and did my research. I cried. There was a lot of crying. I was so worried that a repeat C-section would be so hard on my body that I wouldn't be able to pick up McKinley. I also didn't want to be away from her for three days while I was in the hospital.
At my 38 week appointment, I told her I was ready. I had felt confident in my research, and I was in so much pain that I just really needed to have the baby so that I could walk again. It is not impossible to have a vaginal delivery when you have SPD but I was willing to give up my dream of a VBAC because I was in such an incredible amount of pain. I was worried that my pelvis would actually break in half. The most important thing became getting the baby out, not how she would make her arrival.
On Wednesday, June 11, I walked my oldest baby over to my aunts house where she would be spending the night. I tucked her in and I kissed her goodbye. I came home and I cried and cried and cried myself to sleep because I was so sad to be leaving my baby girl. I didn't know what was coming.
**********
8:55 am. 7lbs, 10 oz. 18". Perfect.
Hadley Janette. They were right. My heart doubled in size.
We spent the first day cuddling and learning about each other and smelling each other. I kissed her and held her and kissed her again. She struggled to nurse at first, but I wasn't worried. I was an old pro and I knew we would get it figured out.
We had visitors. I got out of bed less than 12 hours after she was born and I walked to the rocking chair in my room where I sat for over an hour. It was easier for me to walk than it had been for the last 10 weeks. I was no longer in pain and it was wonderful.
At 11 PM, my nurse came to take my vitals. Her name was Cindy and she looked like Farrah Fawcett. I will never forget her. She asked if I wanted her to take the baby so that I could get some rest. I said no, that I would be keeping her in the room with me. Aaron suggested that we send her to the nursery just until she needed to eat the first time so that I could get a little bit of rest since we had gotten up at 5:00 to be to the hospital at 6:00. I *was* really tired, so I agreed. Cindy promised me that she would bring Hadley to me as soon as she started to fuss.
**********
I reached for my glasses on the bedside table. I wanted to see who was talking. I recognized Cindy, and the look on her face was one of compassion and understanding. I immediately started sobbing. Dr. Goldberg was not there to comfort me. He was there to provide factual information only.
He told me that Cindy had taken Hadley to the nursery and checked her vitals. She fell asleep in her bassinet. Cindy went to the computer to do some charting. Another nurse walked into the nursery and saw Hadley laying in her bassinet. She had turned blue. She was not breathing. The nurse yelled out to Cindy who came over to Hadley and bagged her to get her to start breathing again. They paged the the Dr. on call who came in and ordered tests to be run. They did an x-ray which show that Hadley's heart was enlarged. He informed us that this could be due to an infection or a heart issue that was missed on an ultrasound, but we would have to wait for the cardiology team to come in at 8:30 to do an echocardiogram. I felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs.
The doctor informed us that we would be able to see Hadley once they had her IV started. He told me that he would let Cindy know when I could visit Hadley, and that she would prepare me to go to the NICU. He was very no nonsense about, and then he left. Cindy told me she was going to go find me a wheelchair and that she would send the tech in to get me ready to go see Hadley. I checked my phone. It was 3:45.
I turned on a worship station on Pandora on my phone. It just felt like the only thing to do. I immediately began praying and begging God to let my baby be okay.
It is very painful to cry (sob) with stitches in your stomach.
The tech came in to get me prepared to go see Hadley. Cindy brought me a wheelchair and helped me get out of bed. She wheeled me in and I got to see my baby for the first time in what felt like forever.
The NICU blinds were partially open, and I could see that the sun was starting to rise. It was just after 5:00. Hadley's nurse introduced herself to us. Her name was Angela. She told me I could sit and hold Hadley as long as I wanted, but that the cardiology team would be there to get her at 8:30, and that would probably be a good time for me to go back to my room and order myself some breakfast. I really didn't want to leave her, but for my own health and sanity, they forced me out at 8:15.
My doctor came in to check on me as she was doing her rounds and I just sobbed when I saw her. I told her I was very scared, but I was also incredibly thankful in that moment for the repeat C-section. I thought of all of the things that led up to that moment. Hadley being in the nursery and having someone find her at the perfect time was all orchestrated by God. If she had been in my room, there may have been a completely different outcome.
I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to shower. I didn't want to do anything but sit and hold my baby. But with gentle insistence, my new nurse made me eat so that I could take my pain pills. She made me take a shower because her job was to take care of me even though I just wanted to take care of Hadley. Her name was Rosemary. She was my favorite.
Hadley was on sugar water until her echocardiogram came back. They didn't want me to feed her in case she would need surgery. Thankfully, everything looked okay and I could start nursing her again. It had been more than 12 hours since the last time she nursed, plus she was full of sugar water, so it took us a couple of feedings to get into a groove.
The results of the blood test came back and showed that her CRP level was high, which indicated an infection. They would continue checking her CRP level every 48 hours until it went down. The only way to combat the infection was with strong antibiotics. For the next seven days, she received three doses of antibiotics per day. She had her vitals checked every three hours, which included multiple heel pricks. She was hooked up to monitors 24 hours a day.
They had her on a three hour schedule, so that helped set the schedule for my days. I would go in and feed her around 6, stay until 7:30, go back to my room and order myself breakfast, then go back to feed her again at 9:00. I would stay there for an hour or so, go back to my room to shower, and head back down as soon as possible so that I could spend as much time with her before my mom and McKinley came daily around 1 or 1:30. They would visit for a while, bring me food, and just let me hang out with my biggest girl. I would soon find out it was only the beginning of feeling like my heart was in two places at one time. She would eat again at 3:00, 6:00, 9:00. Sometimes I would eat dinner between 3:00 and 6:00 and then stay there from 6:00 until 10:30, just holding her except for those few times they had to do their vital checks. I did as much as they would let me, like changing her diaper and swaddling her.
I would leave at 10:30 (they would gently kick me out) so that I could get an hour or so of sleep before I had to come back. During the night shift, the nurse would call me when Hadley started to wake up so that I could get as much sleep as possible. Sometimes that meant they didn't call until 7:00 but other times that meant they were calling as early as 5:30. I was so thankful that once her blood sugar stabilized they let me feed her on demand. I was so delirious that I got up one night, brushed my teeth and walked to the NICU. They asked why I was back and I said "because you just called me!" The nurse told me to go back to my room - I had only left Hadley's bedside 20 minutes prior. I had already fallen asleep and dreamed of their first phone call. That was a level of exhaustion I've never experienced.
Her daddy came to see her every night after work. He would hold her and soak in as much as he could before leaving to head back home to see McKinley before bed. Then he would get up and do it all again. I was so thankful for those moments we had together in the midst of the trial. We ordered Jimmy John's one night, sort of like a hospital date night. They were 45 minutes late. I was freaking out because I needed to get back to Hadley but I wanted to enjoy dinner with Aaron. A serious lack of sleep and crazy postpartum hormones did not help the situation. There were tears.
The nurses were really amazing. The first couple of days she was in the NICU, I would just cry and cry. This wasn't what I had planned! I had a list of things that were going to happen and an extended hospital stay was not on the list. The nurses would bring me tissues, comfort me, hug me. They would give me hopeful updates about Hadley's bloodwork. They listened to me go on and on about how much I missed McKinley but how I was oddly thankful to have the time to bond with Hadley. They would walk by and catch me ordering stuff on Amazon at 4 am (I did LOTS of retail therapy that week) and ask me what I was ordering. I really thought highly of them and was so thankful for the way they cared for my sweet baby. They left a lasting impression.
One week and 10 hours after she was born, we got to bring our little sweetheart home.
I typed this up months ago but left it sitting in my drafts. I still remember every detail. It has been an amazing year. McKinley is an amazing big sister and Hadley is the little piece of my heart that I didn't know was missing. We are so very thankful for the nurses who saved her life and the nurses who took such good care of her in the following week.
They will forever be a part of our story.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Accent Vlog Proposal
Hi friends. I have an idea that I want to propose to you and I hope you'll play along. I saw a video on Facebook of one of my friends whom I've never met in real life, nor talked to on the phone. I loved hearing her voice and now when I read her tweets, I feel like I can hear her saying them.
Soo, how about you record yourself and upload the video to YouTube and then come here and post a link to your video? Then everyone who wants to know what you sound like when you talk {tweet!} can come here and watch your video! Sound good?
"What do we talk about in our video?", you ask? That's a fantastic question! Last year, Stephanie at Adventures In Babywearing posted an Accent Vlog that I loved and have been meaning to record an accent vlog of my own ever since.
The directions:
Say the following words:
Aunt, route, wash, oil, theatre, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, sure, data, ruin, crayon, toilet, New Orleans, pecan, both, again, probably, spitting image, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, syrup, pajamas, caught.
And answer the following questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that curls into a ball when you touch it?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?
Anything else you want to add in is great! But this is a good way to start. I'm excited and I hope that you'll join me. I'll post a linky next week and you can join anytime. Record a video on your phone, upload to YouTube, and come on over!
Soo, how about you record yourself and upload the video to YouTube and then come here and post a link to your video? Then everyone who wants to know what you sound like when you talk {tweet!} can come here and watch your video! Sound good?
"What do we talk about in our video?", you ask? That's a fantastic question! Last year, Stephanie at Adventures In Babywearing posted an Accent Vlog that I loved and have been meaning to record an accent vlog of my own ever since.
The directions:
Say the following words:
Aunt, route, wash, oil, theatre, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, sure, data, ruin, crayon, toilet, New Orleans, pecan, both, again, probably, spitting image, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, syrup, pajamas, caught.
And answer the following questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that curls into a ball when you touch it?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?
Anything else you want to add in is great! But this is a good way to start. I'm excited and I hope that you'll join me. I'll post a linky next week and you can join anytime. Record a video on your phone, upload to YouTube, and come on over!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Tash
{I've been itching to get back here but didn't know where to start. Today is good, right?}
Cut up strawberries, bits of {homemade. TOOT TOOT my own horn.} pancake, and honey nut o's scatter the floor under highchairs and booster seats. My un-socked feet pull with each step - honey nut o's are sticky. I just need to sweep real quick, then we'll read a book.
"Mama, help", she says. Pink broom in hand, she is sweeping up the crumbs from our morning feast and my scattered thoughts.
I wanted this to just be a quick sweep, 30 seconds at most. I stop myself from being frustrated, put down my broom, and sit on the floor so I can help her handle her broom. Because "mama, help" actually meant "mama, teach" and I pray for the teachable moments so why would I let this one slip through my fingers.
She sweeps a pile together, we work as a team to get it all in to the dustpan. On the way to the "tash", she dumps it on the floor. "Uh oh, Kiki" she says. I reassure her that it is okay, we will just sweep it up again. She is pleased with her work, making sure all of the crumbs get into the "tash" on the second attempt.
We wash our hands (because broom handles and dustpans have germs) and she runs off to play with her friend Caleb.
My eyes are slowly being opened. These are the moments I've prayed for.
Cut up strawberries, bits of {homemade. TOOT TOOT my own horn.} pancake, and honey nut o's scatter the floor under highchairs and booster seats. My un-socked feet pull with each step - honey nut o's are sticky. I just need to sweep real quick, then we'll read a book.
"Mama, help", she says. Pink broom in hand, she is sweeping up the crumbs from our morning feast and my scattered thoughts.
I wanted this to just be a quick sweep, 30 seconds at most. I stop myself from being frustrated, put down my broom, and sit on the floor so I can help her handle her broom. Because "mama, help" actually meant "mama, teach" and I pray for the teachable moments so why would I let this one slip through my fingers.
She sweeps a pile together, we work as a team to get it all in to the dustpan. On the way to the "tash", she dumps it on the floor. "Uh oh, Kiki" she says. I reassure her that it is okay, we will just sweep it up again. She is pleased with her work, making sure all of the crumbs get into the "tash" on the second attempt.
We wash our hands (because broom handles and dustpans have germs) and she runs off to play with her friend Caleb.
My eyes are slowly being opened. These are the moments I've prayed for.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Loose Ends
I said about a week and a half ago that I was going to post a vlog. Then our computer with the webcam had to go to the doctor and we just got it back. I could've used my iPhone, but, meh. I will work on it soon.
McKinley is growing and talking and running and I am having so much fun with her. She is truly the light of my life. She is still nursing, and as my grandma says, it provides her more "soul food" than nutrition at this point, although I believe she's still reaping the benefits of nursing.
I never thought that we would still be going strong. Honestly, when I received the samples of formula in the mail during my pregnancy, I held on to them. I wasn't committed to breastfeeding past 6 months until she was born and we developed a great nursing relationship. I know that we were very fortunate to not have any bumps in the road. While I would have cut anything out of my diet for her, I'm not sure we would have lasted past 12 months if I would have had a super restricted diet.
Now, I feel very emotional about the thought of her weaning. Some days, I think I'm ready. Other days, I think of how she is likely the only baby I will ever nurse, and then I don't want to even think about stopping.
It was not my intention for this post to just be about our nursing relationship. But now I have to go, and, um. Sorry.
Oh, I had a dream last night that it was time for the Spring Time Change again and it stayed light out until 6pm instead of 5pm. So if we could just go ahead and make that happen right now, that'd be great.
McKinley is growing and talking and running and I am having so much fun with her. She is truly the light of my life. She is still nursing, and as my grandma says, it provides her more "soul food" than nutrition at this point, although I believe she's still reaping the benefits of nursing.
I never thought that we would still be going strong. Honestly, when I received the samples of formula in the mail during my pregnancy, I held on to them. I wasn't committed to breastfeeding past 6 months until she was born and we developed a great nursing relationship. I know that we were very fortunate to not have any bumps in the road. While I would have cut anything out of my diet for her, I'm not sure we would have lasted past 12 months if I would have had a super restricted diet.
Now, I feel very emotional about the thought of her weaning. Some days, I think I'm ready. Other days, I think of how she is likely the only baby I will ever nurse, and then I don't want to even think about stopping.
It was not my intention for this post to just be about our nursing relationship. But now I have to go, and, um. Sorry.
Oh, I had a dream last night that it was time for the Spring Time Change again and it stayed light out until 6pm instead of 5pm. So if we could just go ahead and make that happen right now, that'd be great.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Here.
My to-do list is long. Bedding needs washed, floors need swept, the bathrooms need cleaned, someone should buy some groceries, and my baby needs to have her baby clothes switched out for toddler clothes. Of course, the clothes swapping is my favorite and least favorite of my chores to do. My favorite because I love to introduce new, cute clothes to her wardrobe, and the least favorite because my baby isn't such a baby. When I consider that she could be an only child, I find myself hanging on to every stage a little bit longer than she does.
Oh, the dishwasher needs unloaded and reloaded, and the previous load that is drying on the counter needs put away. And the crockpot sitting off to the side of the sink has a ring of leftover (burnt) chili that I just can't scrub away. The counter must feel overwhelmed just like I do.
But as I was listening to the Today Show yesterday, while nursing McKinley in our special chair, I heard Hoda (or Kathie Lee, not sure) say "Be Here Now". Whatever you're doing, whoever you're with, Be Here Now. So, I let that sit all day, in my mind and on my heart.
I played some dolls and read a couple of books, and had extra tickle time. And it was hard, but I put my phone down.
I'm going to print out some signs and hang them around my house. I might get all fancy and pinterest-y and make them look pretty, or I might print them out in Comic Sans* and just hang them. The sign isn't important - the words are.
Be Here Now.
*I would never.
Oh, the dishwasher needs unloaded and reloaded, and the previous load that is drying on the counter needs put away. And the crockpot sitting off to the side of the sink has a ring of leftover (burnt) chili that I just can't scrub away. The counter must feel overwhelmed just like I do.
But as I was listening to the Today Show yesterday, while nursing McKinley in our special chair, I heard Hoda (or Kathie Lee, not sure) say "Be Here Now". Whatever you're doing, whoever you're with, Be Here Now. So, I let that sit all day, in my mind and on my heart.
I played some dolls and read a couple of books, and had extra tickle time. And it was hard, but I put my phone down.
I'm going to print out some signs and hang them around my house. I might get all fancy and pinterest-y and make them look pretty, or I might print them out in Comic Sans* and just hang them. The sign isn't important - the words are.
Be Here Now.
*I would never.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Back at it.
I wonder how long I can do this. Up every hour, maybe two, through the night. The squeaky glider. Closing the door behind me, then opening to double check on her.
I’m tired. I know that parents are supposed to be tired, but McKinley just doesn’t sleep well alone. Some nights she ends up in our bed. Ok, most nights.
I won’t let her cry, even if everyone says she’s playing me. I did for one night, and yes, after 7 minutes she went back to sleep. But until she can tell me what her cries mean, why should I ignore them? Maybe she has nightmares. Maybe her mattress is uncomfortable. Maybe she has a belly ache. I don’t like to sleep alone, so I’m not sure why I make her.
The monitor lights up, I hear her little cry. Grab my glasses and my phone (Thank you, God, for smart phones), and I rescue her. When she cries out, I come to her. Gosh, I’m thankful to know what that feels like.
The days (and nights) are so long. But the years. They are flying by. Soon, this will be a memory. And as odd as it sounds, I don’t want to forget.
I’m tired. I know that parents are supposed to be tired, but McKinley just doesn’t sleep well alone. Some nights she ends up in our bed. Ok, most nights.
I won’t let her cry, even if everyone says she’s playing me. I did for one night, and yes, after 7 minutes she went back to sleep. But until she can tell me what her cries mean, why should I ignore them? Maybe she has nightmares. Maybe her mattress is uncomfortable. Maybe she has a belly ache. I don’t like to sleep alone, so I’m not sure why I make her.
The monitor lights up, I hear her little cry. Grab my glasses and my phone (Thank you, God, for smart phones), and I rescue her. When she cries out, I come to her. Gosh, I’m thankful to know what that feels like.
The days (and nights) are so long. But the years. They are flying by. Soon, this will be a memory. And as odd as it sounds, I don’t want to forget.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Our Weekend
I sat down on Thursday and drafted a blog post (first since JUNE!) about pretty much nothing, and the deleted it because it just didn't have any substance. Boy, how things can change in a day!
I decided to blog this ordeal so that I could share it with everyone who asks exactly what happened. It's not that I don't want to tell people, I just don't want to miss any details.
McKinley got hurt on Thursday night. She had just had a bath, and I was carrying her into her bedroom to get her dressed. We had just walked into her room when she literally jumped out of my arms. She jumped in over the top of my arm, and I tried to catch her by her legs, but I couldn't. She fell onto her faux hardwood/laminate floor and smacked her head hard on the floor. She started crying immediately, and I was hysterical. I ran her out to Aaron and asked him to hold her while I composed myself. By the time I went out to the living room to check on her, she was playing with Aaron, laughing and acting completely normal. I checked her pupils, felt the back of her head for a bump and found nothing. She and I slept in the living room on Thursday night so that I could monitor her incase she started vomiting. She ate and slept just like normal and got up on Friday morning at 7:30. She ate and played all morning long, and I kept feeling the back of her head for a bump and I never felt anything.
Around 1:00 pm, I sat down to nurse McKinley in hopes of getting her down for a nap. As I was playing with her hair, I noticed that her head was very soft on one side. I immediately freaked out, called her pediatrician and left a message with the nurse to have the Dr call me. In the meantime, I called Aunt Jen to come to our house and just help me stay calm. She suggested I pack my bag in case the pediatrician sent us to the hospital overnight, so I was able to get a bag for me and McKinley packed while she held McKinley, who, by the way, was still acting completely normal.
The pediatrician called and said to take McKinley straight to the ER because she wouldn't be able to tell anything without a CT Scan. We settled in at the ER and had an evaluation from the doctor, who then ordered the scan. They wanted her as still as possible without sedating her, so they wrapped her like a mummy and taped her head down to the table. I held onto her with all my might and sang as loud as I could to comfort her while they did the scan. Another one of my fabulous aunts, Heather, had come by with her kids and they were there for comfort and support and when the doctor came in with the results of the scan, I was so thrilled that they were there.
The Attending came in and said that the CT showed that McKinley had fractured her skull and had some bleeding, which is what caused the side of her head to be soft. They said they wanted to monitor her for a while to make sure things didn't get worse, but that they didn't have the facilities to do that. They then informed me that they would be transferring her to the University of Chicago, which made me nervous, but not terrified. The part where I became terrified is when they told me that they were air lifting her. At 5:00 pm on a Friday afternoon, the last place you want to be if you have a brain injury is stuck in traffic on the Skyway. Actually, I can't think of any time you'd want to be stuck in traffic on the Skyway, but hey, it's Chicago. What can you do.
So they called for the helicopter from Comer Childrens Hospital at the University of Chicago, and found that they would be there in 15 minutes. They had just enough time to get an IV started and do another CT Scan of her neck to check for any issues before they Life Flight crew arrived. During all of this, and I'm not sure of the details, my aunt contacted Aaron and my mom, and they were both on their way. I had our car, so my uncle was driving Aaron to the hospital, and my mom was on her way from Ohio. From phone call to car was 3 minutes, she threw some random things in a bag and flew out the door. She drove to my brother's house, where he jumped in and took over driving. Mimi was very shaken and it's probably best that she wasn't driving.
The Flight crew arrived and began doing their preparations. They went over her medical history and I had to sign papers allowing my 13 month old to be transported by helicopter. I know I cried, a lot, but I didn't really have time to freak out because they needed me to stay calm so that McKinley didn't get worked up. With a brain trauma, they wanted to keep her blood pressure as constant as possible, so my crying wasn't going to help at all.
Aaron arrived and came in the room to hug her, we kissed her and watched them strap her to the board to make sure her neck and head stayed stable for the flight. She was then wheeled out and placed in the ambulance, then driven to the helicopter. We gathered our things and went out to the car, watched for her to take off, and then left (note - takes 8 minutes to fly from Crown Point to UofC by helicopter. EIGHT. WHOA.). We had been advised to take our time because once she arrived, she was going to be met by a pedicatric trauma team, and they had a lot of tests to do before we would even be able to see her.
We didn't really waste any time, and it still took us over an hour to get there. When we arrived, she had just been transferred to an ER room and was waiting for us. They said that she screamed the entire time, and never calmed down until she saw us. I was so heartbroken to hear this, but it's one of those things you just have to do as a parent. Obviously, I asked if I could ride along and for liability reasons, I couldn't. I knew this, but they were taking my BABY! I had to ask. Just in case.
They gave us an update - she had no neck injury so she didn't need to wear a collar. They did a full body scan just to be sure she didn't have any other issues, and it came back clear. We waited in the ER for 2 hours before being transferred to the PICU open unit. My mom and brother showed up with my aunt and uncle and we were able to visit with them for a while before being transferred. By they time we got to our bed in the unit, visiting hours were over, so they came home. But it was so good to have someone there to comfort us. We were still so scared and unsure of what was to come.
She finally caved around 1:30 am and after not sleeping more than 30 minutes since 7:30 am, she fell asleep. I was able to transfer her to the crib and grab an hour of sleep. She woke up and I was again able to get her back down. At 4 am, the nurse had to wake her to check her pupils, and she thankfully went right back to sleep. Again at 6 am, they had to wake her, she was NOT PLEASED and she wanted them to know! After 20 minutes of fighting it, she went back to sleep. (Note the padded crib bars - haha)
Around 7:15, the Neurosurgery team came in and assessed her, called for another CT Scan, and removed the NPO order. I was thrilled to be able to nurse her back to sleep, but WAIT. Now that she's awake, lets draw blood and do the CT Scan and order breakfast for mom and dad and check all vitals and meet the new staff after shift change. And then the Social Worker showed up. I knew that she would be coming by, but it still hurt my heart a lot. She asked her routine questions, and watched Aaron and I interact with McKinley. She explained that anytime a child under age 2 comes in with an injury, they do the evaluation. She informed us that she would meet with the Child Abuse Doctor and they would discuss our case and get back to us. Around 9, I was able to finally nurse her and she went to sleep for about an hour. I left to go brush my teeth and try to pull myself together and she stopped by while I was gone, letting Aaron know that we were cleared.
(Don't get too bored - we get to leave soon!)
My mom and Aunt Jen showed up just as she was waking up. The PICU Attending came in and said that the CT Scan showed no change from yesterday, which is the best news in this situation. They wanted her to eat regular food and keep it down, perform a final examination on her, and see her put pressure on her legs. She was too annoyed to walk, but she put weight on her legs which was good enough! She ate some spaghetti, got it all over my mom and the floor, kept it down, and was released! The nurse came in to unhook BOTH IV's and all of the monitors she had to wear, and we were OUTTA THERE. We go back in one month to meet with the Pediatric Neurosurgeon to check on the fracture, which should heal on it's own. The blood should reabsorb, and as it does, the swelling will go down.
YOU carried me, us. YOU lifted us in prayer, thought about us, wished us well. Facebooked to your friends about us, tweeted us to your followers, activated your church prayer chain, sent texts to check in. You assured us everything would be okay. We are so incredibly thankful. I wish I could thank each one of you individually, but I don't even know where to start. I can only explain that the peace we felt was an answer to prayer. There is no other explaination for why I wasn't a complete basketcase the entire weekend.
***Questions that I just didn't know where to put: Why did they air lift her? Why couldn't they observe her at the local hospital? Because of her age and head trauma, they wanted to have her monitored every 2 hours through the night, followed by a CT Scan. IF the scan would have shown things getting worse, they would've had to transfer her anyhow. As a precautionary measure, they did it early on. Also, there is not a Pedicatric Neurosurgery department at the hospital, only a Neonatal Neuorosurgeon (5 times, fast. Go.)
Any other questions, or if something doesn't make sense, please let me know. I wanted to get it all down while it was fresh in my memory.
I decided to blog this ordeal so that I could share it with everyone who asks exactly what happened. It's not that I don't want to tell people, I just don't want to miss any details.
McKinley got hurt on Thursday night. She had just had a bath, and I was carrying her into her bedroom to get her dressed. We had just walked into her room when she literally jumped out of my arms. She jumped in over the top of my arm, and I tried to catch her by her legs, but I couldn't. She fell onto her faux hardwood/laminate floor and smacked her head hard on the floor. She started crying immediately, and I was hysterical. I ran her out to Aaron and asked him to hold her while I composed myself. By the time I went out to the living room to check on her, she was playing with Aaron, laughing and acting completely normal. I checked her pupils, felt the back of her head for a bump and found nothing. She and I slept in the living room on Thursday night so that I could monitor her incase she started vomiting. She ate and slept just like normal and got up on Friday morning at 7:30. She ate and played all morning long, and I kept feeling the back of her head for a bump and I never felt anything.
Around 1:00 pm, I sat down to nurse McKinley in hopes of getting her down for a nap. As I was playing with her hair, I noticed that her head was very soft on one side. I immediately freaked out, called her pediatrician and left a message with the nurse to have the Dr call me. In the meantime, I called Aunt Jen to come to our house and just help me stay calm. She suggested I pack my bag in case the pediatrician sent us to the hospital overnight, so I was able to get a bag for me and McKinley packed while she held McKinley, who, by the way, was still acting completely normal.
The pediatrician called and said to take McKinley straight to the ER because she wouldn't be able to tell anything without a CT Scan. We settled in at the ER and had an evaluation from the doctor, who then ordered the scan. They wanted her as still as possible without sedating her, so they wrapped her like a mummy and taped her head down to the table. I held onto her with all my might and sang as loud as I could to comfort her while they did the scan. Another one of my fabulous aunts, Heather, had come by with her kids and they were there for comfort and support and when the doctor came in with the results of the scan, I was so thrilled that they were there.
The Attending came in and said that the CT showed that McKinley had fractured her skull and had some bleeding, which is what caused the side of her head to be soft. They said they wanted to monitor her for a while to make sure things didn't get worse, but that they didn't have the facilities to do that. They then informed me that they would be transferring her to the University of Chicago, which made me nervous, but not terrified. The part where I became terrified is when they told me that they were air lifting her. At 5:00 pm on a Friday afternoon, the last place you want to be if you have a brain injury is stuck in traffic on the Skyway. Actually, I can't think of any time you'd want to be stuck in traffic on the Skyway, but hey, it's Chicago. What can you do.
So they called for the helicopter from Comer Childrens Hospital at the University of Chicago, and found that they would be there in 15 minutes. They had just enough time to get an IV started and do another CT Scan of her neck to check for any issues before they Life Flight crew arrived. During all of this, and I'm not sure of the details, my aunt contacted Aaron and my mom, and they were both on their way. I had our car, so my uncle was driving Aaron to the hospital, and my mom was on her way from Ohio. From phone call to car was 3 minutes, she threw some random things in a bag and flew out the door. She drove to my brother's house, where he jumped in and took over driving. Mimi was very shaken and it's probably best that she wasn't driving.
The Flight crew arrived and began doing their preparations. They went over her medical history and I had to sign papers allowing my 13 month old to be transported by helicopter. I know I cried, a lot, but I didn't really have time to freak out because they needed me to stay calm so that McKinley didn't get worked up. With a brain trauma, they wanted to keep her blood pressure as constant as possible, so my crying wasn't going to help at all.
Aaron arrived and came in the room to hug her, we kissed her and watched them strap her to the board to make sure her neck and head stayed stable for the flight. She was then wheeled out and placed in the ambulance, then driven to the helicopter. We gathered our things and went out to the car, watched for her to take off, and then left (note - takes 8 minutes to fly from Crown Point to UofC by helicopter. EIGHT. WHOA.). We had been advised to take our time because once she arrived, she was going to be met by a pedicatric trauma team, and they had a lot of tests to do before we would even be able to see her. We didn't really waste any time, and it still took us over an hour to get there. When we arrived, she had just been transferred to an ER room and was waiting for us. They said that she screamed the entire time, and never calmed down until she saw us. I was so heartbroken to hear this, but it's one of those things you just have to do as a parent. Obviously, I asked if I could ride along and for liability reasons, I couldn't. I knew this, but they were taking my BABY! I had to ask. Just in case.
They gave us an update - she had no neck injury so she didn't need to wear a collar. They did a full body scan just to be sure she didn't have any other issues, and it came back clear. We waited in the ER for 2 hours before being transferred to the PICU open unit. My mom and brother showed up with my aunt and uncle and we were able to visit with them for a while before being transferred. By they time we got to our bed in the unit, visiting hours were over, so they came home. But it was so good to have someone there to comfort us. We were still so scared and unsure of what was to come.She was NPO (couldn't eat/nurse) so getting her to sleep was going to be a struggle. {She was NPO just in case something happened to her and they needed to intubate. They also gave her anti-seizure meds and the side effects are nausea and vomiting, and if she vomited, they wanted to know that it wasn't from eating too much, or something I ate that affected her.} After holding her for hours and then trying to get her to sleep without nursing, the nurse suggested I lay her in the crib to see if she would settle down. She thought that thing was a jungle gym. She loved playing in there, but we were worried she would hit her head, so we had to wrap the bars in blankets.
She finally caved around 1:30 am and after not sleeping more than 30 minutes since 7:30 am, she fell asleep. I was able to transfer her to the crib and grab an hour of sleep. She woke up and I was again able to get her back down. At 4 am, the nurse had to wake her to check her pupils, and she thankfully went right back to sleep. Again at 6 am, they had to wake her, she was NOT PLEASED and she wanted them to know! After 20 minutes of fighting it, she went back to sleep. (Note the padded crib bars - haha)Around 7:15, the Neurosurgery team came in and assessed her, called for another CT Scan, and removed the NPO order. I was thrilled to be able to nurse her back to sleep, but WAIT. Now that she's awake, lets draw blood and do the CT Scan and order breakfast for mom and dad and check all vitals and meet the new staff after shift change. And then the Social Worker showed up. I knew that she would be coming by, but it still hurt my heart a lot. She asked her routine questions, and watched Aaron and I interact with McKinley. She explained that anytime a child under age 2 comes in with an injury, they do the evaluation. She informed us that she would meet with the Child Abuse Doctor and they would discuss our case and get back to us. Around 9, I was able to finally nurse her and she went to sleep for about an hour. I left to go brush my teeth and try to pull myself together and she stopped by while I was gone, letting Aaron know that we were cleared.
(Don't get too bored - we get to leave soon!)
My mom and Aunt Jen showed up just as she was waking up. The PICU Attending came in and said that the CT Scan showed no change from yesterday, which is the best news in this situation. They wanted her to eat regular food and keep it down, perform a final examination on her, and see her put pressure on her legs. She was too annoyed to walk, but she put weight on her legs which was good enough! She ate some spaghetti, got it all over my mom and the floor, kept it down, and was released! The nurse came in to unhook BOTH IV's and all of the monitors she had to wear, and we were OUTTA THERE. We go back in one month to meet with the Pediatric Neurosurgeon to check on the fracture, which should heal on it's own. The blood should reabsorb, and as it does, the swelling will go down.YOU carried me, us. YOU lifted us in prayer, thought about us, wished us well. Facebooked to your friends about us, tweeted us to your followers, activated your church prayer chain, sent texts to check in. You assured us everything would be okay. We are so incredibly thankful. I wish I could thank each one of you individually, but I don't even know where to start. I can only explain that the peace we felt was an answer to prayer. There is no other explaination for why I wasn't a complete basketcase the entire weekend.
***Questions that I just didn't know where to put: Why did they air lift her? Why couldn't they observe her at the local hospital? Because of her age and head trauma, they wanted to have her monitored every 2 hours through the night, followed by a CT Scan. IF the scan would have shown things getting worse, they would've had to transfer her anyhow. As a precautionary measure, they did it early on. Also, there is not a Pedicatric Neurosurgery department at the hospital, only a Neonatal Neuorosurgeon (5 times, fast. Go.)
Any other questions, or if something doesn't make sense, please let me know. I wanted to get it all down while it was fresh in my memory.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Small Style
Dusting off the ole blog to participate in Mama Loves Papa's Small Style. {thanks to Steph and Lovelyn for introducing me to this!}
Nothing quite like a little tushie covered in ruffles.
Nothing quite like a little tushie covered in ruffles.
Yellow ruffle butt onesie, Babyworks via Zulily (from Mimi)
Denim jacket - Faded Glory (WalMart)
Leg Warmers - Circo (Target)
"I Love Blogs" hair clip - Sweet Harper
Monday, March 28, 2011
A long time.
Where do you start when you haven't been here in a while (a long time?)? Do you just word-vomit on the screen and hope that people can keep up? Just write and write and write until the words are on the screen and they fall off the screen and make sense but don't?
There have been some great big changes around here in the past few weeks. I asked my blog designer if she was up for redoing my blog and she said YES, OF COURSE. But I have to figure out what I want and how I want it to look and I really just want to start over and do a white screen with black letters and nothing fancy. I've been craving simplicity more and more. I want less and less.
Clean. Crisp. Straight lines.
I have thought of tracking my day and putting it here, as if anyone would care what life looks like for me, but just incase. I always like to hear how my peers spend their days, chasing after toddlby's and nursing infants and changing diapers and how often do you bathe your kids. But I start to track my day and then I forget to write something down and then I feel like a liar if I just try to remember-slash-make something up?, so I throw it out and don't start over for many weeks. Then I stop blogging. I want to start again, but where?
I'm gonna give this a try again. Hopefully more consistently. Anything you want to know about, say, the last 7 months?
There have been some great big changes around here in the past few weeks. I asked my blog designer if she was up for redoing my blog and she said YES, OF COURSE. But I have to figure out what I want and how I want it to look and I really just want to start over and do a white screen with black letters and nothing fancy. I've been craving simplicity more and more. I want less and less.
Clean. Crisp. Straight lines.
I have thought of tracking my day and putting it here, as if anyone would care what life looks like for me, but just incase. I always like to hear how my peers spend their days, chasing after toddlby's and nursing infants and changing diapers and how often do you bathe your kids. But I start to track my day and then I forget to write something down and then I feel like a liar if I just try to remember-slash-make something up?, so I throw it out and don't start over for many weeks. Then I stop blogging. I want to start again, but where?
I'm gonna give this a try again. Hopefully more consistently. Anything you want to know about, say, the last 7 months?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Winner
The winner of the Medela Labeling and Storage System was Waitingforbby@yahoo.com! She was contacted by email and has already responded, so watch for your storage system in the mail!
Thanks to all who entered - I wish I could gift every one of you with something special.
Thanks to all who entered - I wish I could gift every one of you with something special.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Medela Breastmilk Labeling and Storage System
Thanks to Medela, I was given the opportunity to review a breastmilk labeling and storage system, pictured below. 
The storage system is came with two bottles that have special lids on them that are changeable to show the day of the week and time (am/pm) that the milk was pumped. This is a useful function, but would be improved by including more bottles with the system. As you can see in the picture, the tray has room to hold 6 bottles of pumped milk, which we utilized by using our own bottles that came with my pump.
I think the idea of the labeling and storage system is a useful one. Admittedly, I do not ever have 6 bottles of milk in the fridge at one time, but if you are someone who only uses fresh milk and doesn't freeze your milk, this would be a great system to keep it all in one place, and make sure that the bottles get used in the order they were pumped - just take the bottle from the front!
Medela has provided me with one of these storage systems to give to one of my readers, so if you are a breastfeeding/pumping mom, or an expectant mom, please leave a comment here and I will pick a winner at noon on Sunday, 2/27/11!
**All opinions are my own. I was provided with this product to use and review, and a product to giveaway. I was not monitarily compensated for this review and/or giveaway.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
2010 In Review
1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Had an IV. Had a baby. Nursed. Nursed over a car seat in a moving car while McKinley stayed strapped in her seat. Nursed in a restaurant. Nursed in Target. Nursed in Meijer. Nursed in the mall. Babywore (?) Wore my baby. In my house. In the mall. All of the above mentioned stores. So many baby/McKinley/parenting related things I can’t even list. I can’t think of anything else. At least, that isn’t related to being a new mother.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any, so YES! Good for me!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Meet my daughter, McKinley:
My nephew, Asher:
My SIL had a baby girl, Abigail. And about 10 of my closest twitter buddies.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Dear God, I wish this question didn’t exist. And I wish I could skip it. But 2010 wouldn’t have been the best and worst year of my life without questions #3 and #4.
My Uncle Jamey died on May 11th.
My father-in-law Rich died on May 24th.
To say that May, 2010 was the worst month of my life is an understatement.
I wasn’t able to fully grieve either of these losses until very recently, due to being 7 months pregnant at the time. I knew I needed to stay well for myself and for McKinley.
5. What countries did you visit?
None.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Patience, love towards others, financial security.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Tuesday, May 11
Monday, May 24
Friday, August 13, McKinley's Birthday!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having a baby, yo.
9. What was your biggest failure?
At the time, I felt like a failure for not being everything for Aaron after his dad’s passing. I now look back and realize that in that moment, I was everything I could be. I HAD to take care of myself for the sake of “the baby”. There were times that I could have, should have been more patient and understanding of his grief, and I wish I would have been. But I can’t change it.
And every year going forward, my biggest failure will be that I lived such a selfish life (read: massive debts) prior to becoming a mother, that I will have to allow someone else to care for McKinley while I work a full-time job. Ugh. My heart hurts.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Only self-inflicted, you know, recovery from a c-section.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Diapers, wipes, butt paste.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Diapers, wipes, butt paste. Actually, I’m sure it was to eating out. Which will change this year. Cause we have to pay for day care and stuff.
And repayment on Student Loans.
And my car payment. Come on, December 2011. Mama wants a mini-van.
13. What did you get really excited about?
Having a BABY!
Being a MOM!
CHRISTMAS!
14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I don’t know.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Both. Which is incredible and heartbreaking at the exact same time.
– thinner or fatter? Er, fatter.
– richer or poorer? :womp, womp: poorer
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Saved money. Ugh. Saved some freakin’ money.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spent money. I feel like this is getting boring and repetitive. How about, complained? Cried? I just feel like some of those complaints and tears were totally warranted. I’m such a Debby Downer.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
With our families, smiling through the first Christmas without our loved ones, and sharing the joy that everyone felt having McKinley present.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
How I Met Your Mother, Cupcake Wars, Desperate Housewives, The Biggest Loser
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
I mostly read books preparing me for motherhood, the titles of which I couldn’t tell you. And also “On The Night You Were Born”, which brings me to big, blubbering messy tears. Every time.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
I am not enough of a seasoned musical lover to answer this correctly. I’d probably put down a song that actually came out in 2008.
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Again, I am not a movie watcher. My favorite movies that I watched in 2010 were probably from 2009. Or earlier.
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My birthday was on a Monday. I worked. Aaron and McKinley took me to Boston’s Pizza for lunch. I turned 29.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Heh. I love my daughter. She is the best gift I have ever received. Not having to work so that I could spend every day with her would have made my year immeasurably more satisfying.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Maternity clothes. Followed by yoga pants.
26. What kept you sane?
I’m not. :wink:
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
EVERY. BREATH. COUNTS. You never, EVER know when you will say “bye” to someone for the very last time. And also that being a mother is the single greatest thing/feeling/emotion/job in the entire world.
Had an IV. Had a baby. Nursed. Nursed over a car seat in a moving car while McKinley stayed strapped in her seat. Nursed in a restaurant. Nursed in Target. Nursed in Meijer. Nursed in the mall. Babywore (?) Wore my baby. In my house. In the mall. All of the above mentioned stores. So many baby/McKinley/parenting related things I can’t even list. I can’t think of anything else. At least, that isn’t related to being a new mother.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any, so YES! Good for me!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Meet my daughter, McKinley:
My nephew, Asher:My SIL had a baby girl, Abigail. And about 10 of my closest twitter buddies.4. Did anyone close to you die?
Dear God, I wish this question didn’t exist. And I wish I could skip it. But 2010 wouldn’t have been the best and worst year of my life without questions #3 and #4.
My Uncle Jamey died on May 11th.
My father-in-law Rich died on May 24th.
To say that May, 2010 was the worst month of my life is an understatement.
I wasn’t able to fully grieve either of these losses until very recently, due to being 7 months pregnant at the time. I knew I needed to stay well for myself and for McKinley.
5. What countries did you visit?
None.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Patience, love towards others, financial security.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Tuesday, May 11
Monday, May 24
Friday, August 13, McKinley's Birthday!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having a baby, yo.
9. What was your biggest failure?
At the time, I felt like a failure for not being everything for Aaron after his dad’s passing. I now look back and realize that in that moment, I was everything I could be. I HAD to take care of myself for the sake of “the baby”. There were times that I could have, should have been more patient and understanding of his grief, and I wish I would have been. But I can’t change it.
And every year going forward, my biggest failure will be that I lived such a selfish life (read: massive debts) prior to becoming a mother, that I will have to allow someone else to care for McKinley while I work a full-time job. Ugh. My heart hurts.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Only self-inflicted, you know, recovery from a c-section.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Diapers, wipes, butt paste.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Diapers, wipes, butt paste. Actually, I’m sure it was to eating out. Which will change this year. Cause we have to pay for day care and stuff.
And repayment on Student Loans.
And my car payment. Come on, December 2011. Mama wants a mini-van.
13. What did you get really excited about?
Having a BABY!
Being a MOM!
CHRISTMAS!
14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I don’t know.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Both. Which is incredible and heartbreaking at the exact same time.
– thinner or fatter? Er, fatter.
– richer or poorer? :womp, womp: poorer
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Saved money. Ugh. Saved some freakin’ money.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spent money. I feel like this is getting boring and repetitive. How about, complained? Cried? I just feel like some of those complaints and tears were totally warranted. I’m such a Debby Downer.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
With our families, smiling through the first Christmas without our loved ones, and sharing the joy that everyone felt having McKinley present.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
How I Met Your Mother, Cupcake Wars, Desperate Housewives, The Biggest Loser
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
I mostly read books preparing me for motherhood, the titles of which I couldn’t tell you. And also “On The Night You Were Born”, which brings me to big, blubbering messy tears. Every time.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
I am not enough of a seasoned musical lover to answer this correctly. I’d probably put down a song that actually came out in 2008.
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Again, I am not a movie watcher. My favorite movies that I watched in 2010 were probably from 2009. Or earlier.
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My birthday was on a Monday. I worked. Aaron and McKinley took me to Boston’s Pizza for lunch. I turned 29.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Heh. I love my daughter. She is the best gift I have ever received. Not having to work so that I could spend every day with her would have made my year immeasurably more satisfying.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Maternity clothes. Followed by yoga pants.
26. What kept you sane?
I’m not. :wink:
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
EVERY. BREATH. COUNTS. You never, EVER know when you will say “bye” to someone for the very last time. And also that being a mother is the single greatest thing/feeling/emotion/job in the entire world.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thankful...
I am thankful for this day. Thankful to God, for new mercies every morning.
For cuddle time with McKinley before coming to work. Thankful that our breastfeeding relationship has been successful. Thankful that she is good baby, who likes to sleep and smile. I am thankful for my husband, who hung a new shower curtain and took out the bathroom trash last night. Thankful that he is quick to forgive. I am thankful for our home and our new furnace. I am thankful that our utilities bill was $70 last month.
I am thankful for my family. For my parents and their generosity, their giving attitudes. I am thankful that they love our daughter. I am thankful for my siblings, who can always make me laugh. For inside jokes, and for the relationship with them. To call them "brother" and "sister" and to be addressed as "sister" in return. I am thankful for aunts who bring food to our home after a trying time, who call to sing you happy birthday every year for 29 years, who take you on their Black Friday shopping trip for 13 years even though you're a neice, not a sister. Thankful for uncles who make me laugh. Thankful for grandparents who give until it hurts, and then give more.
I am thankful for my freedom. For my brother, uncle, grandpa, brothers-in-law, friends and strangers, who fight every.single.day. to allow me the freedom to live in America, to be free, to worship God.
I am thankful for my job. Thankful that I have a job. Thankful that I can bring McKinley to work with me if I need/want to. That I can wear yoga pants. That I can take calls on my cell phone and leave to go to the bank. Thankful for coworkers who drive me crazy because they are like family.
Thankful that I have a car that runs. Thankful for a cell phone that allows me to keep in constant contact with friends, and other moms who support me. Thankful for social media, and for my Twitter friends who answer questions and keep me company at 2, 3, 4, 5 am. I am thankful that I have enough money to stop at Starbucks, and even though they don't fit right, I am thankful for the clothes I have.
I am thankful for all things today, and am trying to have this attitude everyday. I am thankful that you are here.
For cuddle time with McKinley before coming to work. Thankful that our breastfeeding relationship has been successful. Thankful that she is good baby, who likes to sleep and smile. I am thankful for my husband, who hung a new shower curtain and took out the bathroom trash last night. Thankful that he is quick to forgive. I am thankful for our home and our new furnace. I am thankful that our utilities bill was $70 last month.
I am thankful for my family. For my parents and their generosity, their giving attitudes. I am thankful that they love our daughter. I am thankful for my siblings, who can always make me laugh. For inside jokes, and for the relationship with them. To call them "brother" and "sister" and to be addressed as "sister" in return. I am thankful for aunts who bring food to our home after a trying time, who call to sing you happy birthday every year for 29 years, who take you on their Black Friday shopping trip for 13 years even though you're a neice, not a sister. Thankful for uncles who make me laugh. Thankful for grandparents who give until it hurts, and then give more.
I am thankful for my freedom. For my brother, uncle, grandpa, brothers-in-law, friends and strangers, who fight every.single.day. to allow me the freedom to live in America, to be free, to worship God.
I am thankful for my job. Thankful that I have a job. Thankful that I can bring McKinley to work with me if I need/want to. That I can wear yoga pants. That I can take calls on my cell phone and leave to go to the bank. Thankful for coworkers who drive me crazy because they are like family.
Thankful that I have a car that runs. Thankful for a cell phone that allows me to keep in constant contact with friends, and other moms who support me. Thankful for social media, and for my Twitter friends who answer questions and keep me company at 2, 3, 4, 5 am. I am thankful that I have enough money to stop at Starbucks, and even though they don't fit right, I am thankful for the clothes I have.
I am thankful for all things today, and am trying to have this attitude everyday. I am thankful that you are here.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Random Act of Kindness Scentsy Fundraiser
In the spirit of the season, when we all talk about giving to others, I present you with an opportunity, a challenge.
I have a dear friend who I want to help, to make her Christmas a little easier, better, brighter. I won't name names (because she doesn't know I'm doing this), but I want to help her. I want US to help her.
From now until the end of November, I am donating ALL PROCEEDS of all Scentsy sales generated from this project to this sweet friend. Chances are, if you've been around here a while, you know this friend, and love her as I do.
I would love to talk with you about the Scentsy system. There are so many reasons I love the Scentsy products, and I think if you give them a try, you will to. Email me and we can chat. Back to the project...
To place an order for this project, please take a look around my website, then email me at nataliejcline (at) yahoo (dot) com. The order will be shipped straight to your home, and you'll know that you've played a role in making someone's Christmas a little bit brighter.
If you have friends or family members who would enjoy the Scentsy product, please pass this information on.
I know funds are tight this time of year for us all. I just feel that I've been given the opportunity to use my business to bless a friend, and all I'm asking for a is a little help.
The Internet has opened the door for some amazing friendships, and I am so thankful for the wonderful people who've become my friends because of it. Now, I'm paying it forward.
Additionally, everyone who places an order will have their name entered in a drawing for a $10 Scentsy giftcard. If you're not in a place to give, please leave a comment on this post about something you plan to do this Christmas season to make a difference in someone's life. Your comment will earn you an entry in the giftcard drawing.
**All proceeds from sales generated from this blog post will be donated to one of my friends, to make her Christmas brighter. If you would like to know who this person is prior to making a purchase, please contact me at nataliejcline (at) yahoo (dot) com. In the interest of keeping things fun, I will ask you to keep the information I provide you confidential. For your purchase to apply to this cause, you must email me your order by 6:00 pm, November 30, 2010. Thank you so very much. Merry Christmas.Thursday, November 18, 2010
Zzzzooooommmmmmmm
My house is not clean. My sink is full. I've been wearing these jeans for 3 days. I could lie and tell you that I've got this motherhood thing down, that I am able to wash dishes while breastfeeding McKinley in the sling. But I don't do that.
Right now, I work full-time. McKinley gets wonderful care from her dad, and he has nicknamed his job "Karing for Kinley". He sings songs from the Mickey Mouse Club and Handy Manny, and he's gotten good at putting together a bottle with one hand. When I get home from work each night, I just want to hold my girl. I probably could wash dishes and do laundry and vacuum while wearing Kiki in the sling, or just in my arms, but I don't want to.
********************************
McKinley turned 3 months old last Saturday. I can't quite figure out where the last 3 months have gone. I don't remember what life was like without her. I know that sounds so cliche but I really mean it.
She sits in her Bebe Pod and holds her head up for about 10 minutes at a time. She lays on her play mat and swats at the toys hanging down. She sleeps like a champ.
She loves her fingers, mostly her middle and ring finger. They are in her mouth most of the time and she drools all over the place.
Last night, I saw two little teeth, anxious to make their arrival.
My baby is growing up. And it's going by so. fast.
Each night, I wash just enough dishes to get through the next day. Usually, this means pump parts and bottles. And I wear my pants for multiple days because I don't want to spend hours in the laundry room and risk missing a single thing.
{Don't tell, but they're more comfortable after a couple of days anyhow.}
Right now, I work full-time. McKinley gets wonderful care from her dad, and he has nicknamed his job "Karing for Kinley". He sings songs from the Mickey Mouse Club and Handy Manny, and he's gotten good at putting together a bottle with one hand. When I get home from work each night, I just want to hold my girl. I probably could wash dishes and do laundry and vacuum while wearing Kiki in the sling, or just in my arms, but I don't want to.
********************************
McKinley turned 3 months old last Saturday. I can't quite figure out where the last 3 months have gone. I don't remember what life was like without her. I know that sounds so cliche but I really mean it.
She sits in her Bebe Pod and holds her head up for about 10 minutes at a time. She lays on her play mat and swats at the toys hanging down. She sleeps like a champ.
She loves her fingers, mostly her middle and ring finger. They are in her mouth most of the time and she drools all over the place.
Last night, I saw two little teeth, anxious to make their arrival.
My baby is growing up. And it's going by so. fast.
Each night, I wash just enough dishes to get through the next day. Usually, this means pump parts and bottles. And I wear my pants for multiple days because I don't want to spend hours in the laundry room and risk missing a single thing.
{Don't tell, but they're more comfortable after a couple of days anyhow.}
McKinley's 3rd month
Monday, October 25, 2010
I'm Dreaming of Christmas Cards!
McKinley is 10 weeks old already. I’m not quite sure where the time has gone, but we’ve truly enjoyed every minute of it! I’ve taken approximately 2000 pictures of her, and really need to stay on top of printing them out and putting them in frames or books. Otherwise, I end up with 2000 pictures on my computer.
She had her picture taken by my friend Crookedeyebrow when she was 10 days old. She was a perfect little model, and we had a hard time choosing a picture for her birth announcement. We finally agreed on the perfect picture (there were SO MANY GREAT ones to choose from!) and then had to choose the perfect announcement!
My mom has had really good luck with Shutterfly in the past, and has ordered Christmas cards as well as photo gifts, so she told me to check out their website. I scoured the “girl announcements” and narrowed it down to 4 different styles before making Aaron decide because I couldn’t.pick.just.one.
We finally agreed on the Sincere Embrace Design and I would show it to you, but I haven’t exactly mailed them out yet and I think I should show my family first. Heh.
Now, thanks to the Clever Girls Collective, I’m being given the opportunity to receive my Christmas cards from Shutterfly! I checked out the selection over the weekend, and it seems I’m going to have a hard time choosing this card too! I’ve narrowed it down to my favorite three, and will be happy to take your opinions into consideration (I am so bad at making these decisions!).
My top three choices are:
Mod Ornaments
All Wrapped Up
Snow Flurries Cocoa
Now all we need is a photo to add to the card and we’ll be all set. Which just means more decisions to make!
Shutterfly is a great option for Christmas cards, Christmas Invitations for those festive holiday parties, and thank you cards so Grandma knows you appreciated her gift! They also have an excellent selection of birthday invitations, birth announcements, and trendy greeting cards. Whether you prefer traditional or modern designs, Shutterly really does have something for everyone.
Do you want 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly? Click here to go to Shutterfly for information on how you can get 50 free cards this holiday season, and make sure to select Clever 1000 as the referral source.
This post is part of a series sponsored by Shutterfly. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Dream A Little Dream
I just don't want to forget...
I've had 2 dreams about my Uncle Jamey since his passing. The first was when I was staying at my parents house and it was very brief and didn't make me feel anything but that I missed him.
But last night, oh, I felt him. And I felt comforted, like he's alright. It was...good.
I turned the corner and was walking on the road back to my parents house, on a route I used to walk for exercise or to think. I was alone.
I heard someone yell my name, and I turned around to see him walking toward me. Wearing jeans and a plaid, casual, button down shirt.
"Hi Sweetie. What's up?"
"Oh! I had the baby! Her name is McKinley! She's beautiful! Aaron and I are good!"
I just kept shouting things to him, and he just smiled as I rambled on. Much like he did when I was younger, or when he would teach me how to play "Password" and I wouldn't understand the directions and he'd tell me 6 times and never get frustrated.
He didn't say anything else. He just continued to walk, faster than me, but was turned around looking at me, smiling, the whole time. A big smile. A genuine smile. An "I'm Alright" smile.
I didn't run to catch up with him, I just let him walk.
And then he was gone.
And I woke up and I cried because I miss him, but I felt such a sense of peace about him. He's alright. And we're going to be alright.
Hear that, sweet family?
He's alright.
And we're going to be alright.
I've had 2 dreams about my Uncle Jamey since his passing. The first was when I was staying at my parents house and it was very brief and didn't make me feel anything but that I missed him.
But last night, oh, I felt him. And I felt comforted, like he's alright. It was...good.
I turned the corner and was walking on the road back to my parents house, on a route I used to walk for exercise or to think. I was alone.
I heard someone yell my name, and I turned around to see him walking toward me. Wearing jeans and a plaid, casual, button down shirt.
"Hi Sweetie. What's up?"
"Oh! I had the baby! Her name is McKinley! She's beautiful! Aaron and I are good!"
I just kept shouting things to him, and he just smiled as I rambled on. Much like he did when I was younger, or when he would teach me how to play "Password" and I wouldn't understand the directions and he'd tell me 6 times and never get frustrated.
He didn't say anything else. He just continued to walk, faster than me, but was turned around looking at me, smiling, the whole time. A big smile. A genuine smile. An "I'm Alright" smile.
I didn't run to catch up with him, I just let him walk.
And then he was gone.
And I woke up and I cried because I miss him, but I felt such a sense of peace about him. He's alright. And we're going to be alright.
Hear that, sweet family?
He's alright.
And we're going to be alright.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The Story of Us
McKinley,
The story of how you joined our family is incredible and miraculous and beautiful and I would do it again a million times to have you sleeping beside me right now, and for the last 8 weeks. This is our story.
On Monday, August 9, 2010 (8/9/10) I went to my OB for my 40 week appointment. The nurse checked me out and found that I wasn't dilated, so the doctor wouldn't be able to sweep my membranes or do anything to encourage labor. He told me to come back on Thursday, and that we would discuss an induction if I hadn't made any changes.
Daddy took the day off of work on Thursday to go with me to the doctor, and we got to listen to your little heartbeat during a non-stress test for almost 30 minutes. That sound was so beautiful to my ears.
The nurse checked me after the non-stress test, and found that I was still not dilated. She called my doctor, who allowed for me to be induced that evening. My doctor lives in a different town than the hospital I wanted to have you at, and suggested the hospital by his house, so that he could be there in time for your arrival. I agreed, but as soon as we got out to the car, I started crying that it wasn't what I had wanted! So your dad called the doctor back and said that we were going to the hospital I wanted to have you at, the hospital where you were born.
We went out to lunch at TGIFridays, and then went home and tried to take a nap. I couldn't sleep because I was so excited to finally meet you!
Our induction was scheduled to begin that night, Thursday, August 12, 2010 at 10pm. We found a parking spot, and daddy helped me carry all of my things into the hospital. It must've looked like we were moving in. I had a bag for you and one for me, my computer, my camera, and a few pillows. I overpack. All. The. Time.
I was given a medicine called Cervadil at 10pm to soften my cervix. It was left in for 12 hours, and on Friday morning, I was started on Pitocin, which would hopefully cause me go to into labor. I walked the halls of the hospital with our doula and friend Rachel, I bounced on the birthing ball, I visited with Daddy and Mimi and Aunt Paytie. I was having some mild discomfort, but certainly not contractions, and certainly not anything painful.
At 4pm on Friday afternoon, my doctor came to check on me. He assessed me, and found that not only was I still not dilated, but that my cervix was still very hard. He then ordered an ultrasound so that we could see how big you were. It would be the last time I would see you on the screen. I cry just thinking about that time, where it was still just you and me and I didn't have to share you with the world.
And this is where I made a decision that I do not regret, but I know that some of my friends will find weird, even appalling.
My doctor told me that he would allow me to labor for 24 more hours, with the pitocin and lots of walking, and we could hope for things to progress on their own. Or, he would do a c-section that evening. And I chose the c-section.
So the nurse gave Daddy some scrubs, and I got ready to meet you. I was taken to the operating room, and the nurses there were incredible. I was crying while they were getting me ready to meet you, not because I was scared, but because I couldn't believe that I would be holding you soon. They brought Daddy into the room and he sat beside me and held my hand. Just a few minutes later, the doctor said "Look at all that hair!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I said "My baby? My baby has hair??" and they all sorta laughed because of course he was talking about my baby. He was talking about you.
The nurse brought you over to me right away and I was able to kiss you and tell you how much I loved you and how I couldn't believe that you were finally here! Daddy was crying and Mommy was crying and it was your birthday! You were born at 6:14pm on 8/13/2010, weighing 8lbs., 2oz., and measuring 18 inches long.
Friday the 13th, 2010. The luckiest day of my life.
Daddy went with you to the nursery and helped the nurse weigh and measure you and give you your first bath. When I got back to our room, they brought you right to me. I cried and cried and talked to you and told you how much I loved you. I put you to my breast and gave you your first meal and it was beautiful and incredible. Mimi was there, and Aunt Payton, and Grandma Sonnie. They held you and loved on you, and then they left and our little family stayed behind and got to know each other. It was amazing.
And here we are, 8 weeks later. And there are so many words I would use to describe this time. Beautiful and incredible and breathtaking. We have learned how to be a family of three. We have discovered that our love for you knows no bounds. We have watched you smile and learn to "coo" and find your fingers and flail your arms and legs about. We have a wonderful breastfeeding relationship.
You've been to Ohio twice, stayed in a hotel, and been to a Toledo (Mommy's team!) and Purdue (Daddy's team!) football game. (They were playing each other. It was a win-win situation.)
Our memories are just beginning, baby girl. And we can't wait to make millions more! McKinley, you will never, ever know how much Mommy & Daddy love you.
This is our story.
The story of how you joined our family is incredible and miraculous and beautiful and I would do it again a million times to have you sleeping beside me right now, and for the last 8 weeks. This is our story.
On Monday, August 9, 2010 (8/9/10) I went to my OB for my 40 week appointment. The nurse checked me out and found that I wasn't dilated, so the doctor wouldn't be able to sweep my membranes or do anything to encourage labor. He told me to come back on Thursday, and that we would discuss an induction if I hadn't made any changes.
Daddy took the day off of work on Thursday to go with me to the doctor, and we got to listen to your little heartbeat during a non-stress test for almost 30 minutes. That sound was so beautiful to my ears.
The nurse checked me after the non-stress test, and found that I was still not dilated. She called my doctor, who allowed for me to be induced that evening. My doctor lives in a different town than the hospital I wanted to have you at, and suggested the hospital by his house, so that he could be there in time for your arrival. I agreed, but as soon as we got out to the car, I started crying that it wasn't what I had wanted! So your dad called the doctor back and said that we were going to the hospital I wanted to have you at, the hospital where you were born.
We went out to lunch at TGIFridays, and then went home and tried to take a nap. I couldn't sleep because I was so excited to finally meet you!
Our induction was scheduled to begin that night, Thursday, August 12, 2010 at 10pm. We found a parking spot, and daddy helped me carry all of my things into the hospital. It must've looked like we were moving in. I had a bag for you and one for me, my computer, my camera, and a few pillows. I overpack. All. The. Time.
I was given a medicine called Cervadil at 10pm to soften my cervix. It was left in for 12 hours, and on Friday morning, I was started on Pitocin, which would hopefully cause me go to into labor. I walked the halls of the hospital with our doula and friend Rachel, I bounced on the birthing ball, I visited with Daddy and Mimi and Aunt Paytie. I was having some mild discomfort, but certainly not contractions, and certainly not anything painful.
At 4pm on Friday afternoon, my doctor came to check on me. He assessed me, and found that not only was I still not dilated, but that my cervix was still very hard. He then ordered an ultrasound so that we could see how big you were. It would be the last time I would see you on the screen. I cry just thinking about that time, where it was still just you and me and I didn't have to share you with the world.
And this is where I made a decision that I do not regret, but I know that some of my friends will find weird, even appalling.
My doctor told me that he would allow me to labor for 24 more hours, with the pitocin and lots of walking, and we could hope for things to progress on their own. Or, he would do a c-section that evening. And I chose the c-section.
So the nurse gave Daddy some scrubs, and I got ready to meet you. I was taken to the operating room, and the nurses there were incredible. I was crying while they were getting me ready to meet you, not because I was scared, but because I couldn't believe that I would be holding you soon. They brought Daddy into the room and he sat beside me and held my hand. Just a few minutes later, the doctor said "Look at all that hair!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I said "My baby? My baby has hair??" and they all sorta laughed because of course he was talking about my baby. He was talking about you.
The nurse brought you over to me right away and I was able to kiss you and tell you how much I loved you and how I couldn't believe that you were finally here! Daddy was crying and Mommy was crying and it was your birthday! You were born at 6:14pm on 8/13/2010, weighing 8lbs., 2oz., and measuring 18 inches long.
Friday the 13th, 2010. The luckiest day of my life.
Daddy went with you to the nursery and helped the nurse weigh and measure you and give you your first bath. When I got back to our room, they brought you right to me. I cried and cried and talked to you and told you how much I loved you. I put you to my breast and gave you your first meal and it was beautiful and incredible. Mimi was there, and Aunt Payton, and Grandma Sonnie. They held you and loved on you, and then they left and our little family stayed behind and got to know each other. It was amazing.
And here we are, 8 weeks later. And there are so many words I would use to describe this time. Beautiful and incredible and breathtaking. We have learned how to be a family of three. We have discovered that our love for you knows no bounds. We have watched you smile and learn to "coo" and find your fingers and flail your arms and legs about. We have a wonderful breastfeeding relationship.You've been to Ohio twice, stayed in a hotel, and been to a Toledo (Mommy's team!) and Purdue (Daddy's team!) football game. (They were playing each other. It was a win-win situation.)
Our memories are just beginning, baby girl. And we can't wait to make millions more! McKinley, you will never, ever know how much Mommy & Daddy love you.
This is our story.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Ette
We’d gone back and forth, back and forth on a name and middle name for Tiny Dancer.
We had a name picked out, and then found out she was a girl, and our favorite girl name wasn’t our favorite anymore.
We looked at websites and books that Aaron claims were not created for people with normal baby names (we actually saw the name “Baby” listed as a girl’s name) and then threw the books on the floor and gave up.
And then one day, it just came to me. I loved it and he loved it and we loved the way it sounds with our last name and SHE HAD A FIRST NAME!
But she needed a middle name that fit with her first and last name and that also met the qualifications for middle-naming-a-girl on my mom’s side of the family. The tradition is for each of us to have a middle name that ends in “ette” and if you follow me on Twitter or know my email address, you’ve probably figured by now that my middle name is Janette. My mom is Lynette, my sister is Yvette and my aunts and cousins are Suzette’s and Collette’s and Danette’s and lots of things in-between.
{In order, from my oldest aunt to my youngest cousin: Annette, Lynette, Suzette, Collette, Mynette, Janette, Lynette, Yvette, Annette, Danette, Colette} (Yes, there are repeats. Some are after their own mother, others are named after an aunt.)
Aaron's mom's middle name is Lynn and since my mom's middle name is Lynette, it made sense that our daughter's middle name would be Lynette.
But you know that her middle name isn't Lynette.
Aaron called me one afternoon and suggested the name "Jolette". He had talked with his dad about how my family had the "ette" tradition but he wanted it to be unique, something that no other female had already. Aaron's dad suggested Jolette, which incorporated the "ette" and Aaron's middle name, Joel.
I admit, I wasn't immediately in love with it, mostly because I wanted us to name our daughter and not have influence from someone else. This is part of the reason I didn't want to tell anyone her name before she was born.
Aaron's dad passed away a couple of weeks later.
He'd known our daughter as McKinley Jolette.
We didn't really even talk about her name after that. I just knew that it would be so important to Aaron that we used the name his dad suggested.
And so she is.
It fits her perfectly, our sweet Kinley Jo.
We had a name picked out, and then found out she was a girl, and our favorite girl name wasn’t our favorite anymore.
We looked at websites and books that Aaron claims were not created for people with normal baby names (we actually saw the name “Baby” listed as a girl’s name) and then threw the books on the floor and gave up.
And then one day, it just came to me. I loved it and he loved it and we loved the way it sounds with our last name and SHE HAD A FIRST NAME!
But she needed a middle name that fit with her first and last name and that also met the qualifications for middle-naming-a-girl on my mom’s side of the family. The tradition is for each of us to have a middle name that ends in “ette” and if you follow me on Twitter or know my email address, you’ve probably figured by now that my middle name is Janette. My mom is Lynette, my sister is Yvette and my aunts and cousins are Suzette’s and Collette’s and Danette’s and lots of things in-between.
{In order, from my oldest aunt to my youngest cousin: Annette, Lynette, Suzette, Collette, Mynette, Janette, Lynette, Yvette, Annette, Danette, Colette} (Yes, there are repeats. Some are after their own mother, others are named after an aunt.)
Aaron's mom's middle name is Lynn and since my mom's middle name is Lynette, it made sense that our daughter's middle name would be Lynette.
But you know that her middle name isn't Lynette.
Aaron called me one afternoon and suggested the name "Jolette". He had talked with his dad about how my family had the "ette" tradition but he wanted it to be unique, something that no other female had already. Aaron's dad suggested Jolette, which incorporated the "ette" and Aaron's middle name, Joel.
I admit, I wasn't immediately in love with it, mostly because I wanted us to name our daughter and not have influence from someone else. This is part of the reason I didn't want to tell anyone her name before she was born.
Aaron's dad passed away a couple of weeks later.
He'd known our daughter as McKinley Jolette.
We didn't really even talk about her name after that. I just knew that it would be so important to Aaron that we used the name his dad suggested.
And so she is.
It fits her perfectly, our sweet Kinley Jo.
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