2010 In Review

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Had an IV. Had a baby. Nursed. Nursed over a car seat in a moving car while McKinley stayed strapped in her seat. Nursed in a restaurant. Nursed in Target. Nursed in Meijer. Nursed in the mall. Babywore (?) Wore my baby. In my house. In the mall. All of the above mentioned stores. So many baby/McKinley/parenting related things I can’t even list. I can’t think of anything else. At least, that isn’t related to being a new mother.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


I didn’t make any, so YES! Good for me!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


Meet my daughter, McKinley:

My nephew, Asher:

My SIL had a baby girl, Abigail. And about 10 of my closest twitter buddies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?


Dear God, I wish this question didn’t exist. And I wish I could skip it. But 2010 wouldn’t have been the best and worst year of my life without questions #3 and #4.

My Uncle Jamey died on May 11th.

My father-in-law Rich died on May 24th.

To say that May, 2010 was the worst month of my life is an understatement.

I wasn’t able to fully grieve either of these losses until very recently, due to being 7 months pregnant at the time. I knew I needed to stay well for myself and for McKinley.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.


6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Patience, love towards others, financial security.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Tuesday, May 11

Monday, May 24

Friday, August 13, McKinley's Birthday!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Having a baby, yo.

9. What was your biggest failure?

At the time, I felt like a failure for not being everything for Aaron after his dad’s passing. I now look back and realize that in that moment, I was everything I could be. I HAD to take care of myself for the sake of “the baby”. There were times that I could have, should have been more patient and understanding of his grief, and I wish I would have been. But I can’t change it.

And every year going forward, my biggest failure will be that I lived such a selfish life (read: massive debts) prior to becoming a mother, that I will have to allow someone else to care for McKinley while I work a full-time job. Ugh. My heart hurts.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Only self-inflicted, you know, recovery from a c-section.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Diapers, wipes, butt paste.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Diapers, wipes, butt paste. Actually, I’m sure it was to eating out. Which will change this year. Cause we have to pay for day care and stuff.

And repayment on Student Loans.

And my car payment. Come on, December 2011. Mama wants a mini-van.

13. What did you get really excited about?

Having a BABY!

Being a MOM!

CHRISTMAS!

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?

I don’t know.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Both. Which is incredible and heartbreaking at the exact same time.

– thinner or fatter? Er, fatter.

– richer or poorer? :womp, womp: poorer

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Saved money. Ugh. Saved some freakin’ money.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Spent money. I feel like this is getting boring and repetitive. How about, complained? Cried? I just feel like some of those complaints and tears were totally warranted. I’m such a Debby Downer.

18. How did you spend Christmas?

With our families, smiling through the first Christmas without our loved ones, and sharing the joy that everyone felt having McKinley present.

19. What was your favorite TV program?

How I Met Your Mother, Cupcake Wars, Desperate Housewives, The Biggest Loser

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

I mostly read books preparing me for motherhood, the titles of which I couldn’t tell you. And also “On The Night You Were Born”, which brings me to big, blubbering messy tears. Every time.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?


I am not enough of a seasoned musical lover to answer this correctly. I’d probably put down a song that actually came out in 2008.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

Again, I am not a movie watcher. My favorite movies that I watched in 2010 were probably from 2009. Or earlier.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

My birthday was on a Monday. I worked. Aaron and McKinley took me to Boston’s Pizza for lunch. I turned 29.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Heh. I love my daughter. She is the best gift I have ever received. Not having to work so that I could spend every day with her would have made my year immeasurably more satisfying.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Maternity clothes. Followed by yoga pants.

26. What kept you sane?

I’m not. :wink:

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.


EVERY. BREATH. COUNTS. You never, EVER know when you will say “bye” to someone for the very last time. And also that being a mother is the single greatest thing/feeling/emotion/job in the entire world.

Zzzzooooommmmmmmm

My house is not clean. My sink is full. I've been wearing these jeans for 3 days. I could lie and tell you that I've got this motherhood thing down, that I am able to wash dishes while breastfeeding McKinley in the sling. But I don't do that.

Right now, I work full-time. McKinley gets wonderful care from her dad, and he has nicknamed his job "Karing for Kinley". He sings songs from the Mickey Mouse Club and Handy Manny, and he's gotten good at putting together a bottle with one hand. When I get home from work each night, I just want to hold my girl. I probably could wash dishes and do laundry and vacuum while wearing Kiki in the sling, or just in my arms, but I don't want to.

********************************

McKinley turned 3 months old last Saturday. I can't quite figure out where the last 3 months have gone. I don't remember what life was like without her. I know that sounds so cliche but I really mean it.

She sits in her Bebe Pod and holds her head up for about 10 minutes at a time. She lays on her play mat and swats at the toys hanging down. She sleeps like a champ.

She loves her fingers, mostly her middle and ring finger. They are in her mouth most of the time and she drools all over the place.

Last night, I saw two little teeth, anxious to make their arrival.

My baby is growing up. And it's going by so. fast.

Each night, I wash just enough dishes to get through the next day. Usually, this means pump parts and bottles. And I wear my pants for multiple days because I don't want to spend hours in the laundry room and risk missing a single thing.

{Don't tell, but they're more comfortable after a couple of days anyhow.}

McKinley's 3rd month

The Story of Us

McKinley,

The story of how you joined our family is incredible and miraculous and beautiful and I would do it again a million times to have you sleeping beside me right now, and for the last 8 weeks. This is our story.

On Monday, August 9, 2010 (8/9/10) I went to my OB for my 40 week appointment. The nurse checked me out and found that I wasn't dilated, so the doctor wouldn't be able to sweep my membranes or do anything to encourage labor. He told me to come back on Thursday, and that we would discuss an induction if I hadn't made any changes.

Daddy took the day off of work on Thursday to go with me to the doctor, and we got to listen to your little heartbeat during a non-stress test for almost 30 minutes. That sound was so beautiful to my ears.

The nurse checked me after the non-stress test, and found that I was still not dilated. She called my doctor, who allowed for me to be induced that evening. My doctor lives in a different town than the hospital I wanted to have you at, and suggested the hospital by his house, so that he could be there in time for your arrival. I agreed, but as soon as we got out to the car, I started crying that it wasn't what I had wanted! So your dad called the doctor back and said that we were going to the hospital I wanted to have you at, the hospital where you were born.

We went out to lunch at TGIFridays, and then went home and tried to take a nap. I couldn't sleep because I was so excited to finally meet you!

Our induction was scheduled to begin that night, Thursday, August 12, 2010 at 10pm. We found a parking spot, and daddy helped me carry all of my things into the hospital. It must've looked like we were moving in. I had a bag for you and one for me, my computer, my camera, and a few pillows. I overpack. All. The. Time.

I was given a medicine called Cervadil at 10pm to soften my cervix. It was left in for 12 hours, and on Friday morning, I was started on Pitocin, which would hopefully cause me go to into labor. I walked the halls of the hospital with our doula and friend Rachel, I bounced on the birthing ball, I visited with Daddy and Mimi and Aunt Paytie. I was having some mild discomfort, but certainly not contractions, and certainly not anything painful.

At 4pm on Friday afternoon, my doctor came to check on me. He assessed me, and found that not only was I still not dilated, but that my cervix was still very hard. He then ordered an ultrasound so that we could see how big you were. It would be the last time I would see you on the screen. I cry just thinking about that time, where it was still just you and me and I didn't have to share you with the world.

And this is where I made a decision that I do not regret, but I know that some of my friends will find weird, even appalling.

My doctor told me that he would allow me to labor for 24 more hours, with the pitocin and lots of walking, and we could hope for things to progress on their own. Or, he would do a c-section that evening. And I chose the c-section.

So the nurse gave Daddy some scrubs, and I got ready to meet you. I was taken to the operating room, and the nurses there were incredible. I was crying while they were getting me ready to meet you, not because I was scared, but because I couldn't believe that I would be holding you soon. They brought Daddy into the room and he sat beside me and held my hand. Just a few minutes later, the doctor said "Look at all that hair!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I said "My baby? My baby has hair??" and they all sorta laughed because of course he was talking about my baby. He was talking about you.

The nurse brought you over to me right away and I was able to kiss you and tell you how much I loved you and how I couldn't believe that you were finally here! Daddy was crying and Mommy was crying and it was your birthday! You were born at 6:14pm on 8/13/2010, weighing 8lbs., 2oz., and measuring 18 inches long.

Friday the 13th, 2010. The luckiest day of my life.

Daddy went with you to the nursery and helped the nurse weigh and measure you and give you your first bath. When I got back to our room, they brought you right to me. I cried and cried and talked to you and told you how much I loved you. I put you to my breast and gave you your first meal and it was beautiful and incredible. Mimi was there, and Aunt Payton, and Grandma Sonnie. They held you and loved on you, and then they left and our little family stayed behind and got to know each other. It was amazing.


And here we are, 8 weeks later. And there are so many words I would use to describe this time. Beautiful and incredible and breathtaking. We have learned how to be a family of three. We have discovered that our love for you knows no bounds. We have watched you smile and learn to "coo" and find your fingers and flail your arms and legs about. We have a wonderful breastfeeding relationship.

You've been to Ohio twice, stayed in a hotel, and been to a Toledo (Mommy's team!) and Purdue (Daddy's team!) football game. (They were playing each other. It was a win-win situation.)

Our memories are just beginning, baby girl. And we can't wait to make millions more! McKinley, you will never, ever know how much Mommy & Daddy love you.

This is our story.

*Very!* *First!* IV!!

It is so hard to believe that we are here! We have checked into our hospital room, which we are calling "the resort", and we are enjoying being together. You know what this means, right?

It means I'm not in labor yet. Otherwise I wouldn't be so jovial at 6:00 am.

My appointment yesterday showed everything being normal and good, except for my dilation. Not only was my cervix still completely closed, but it is "thick". This isn't a problem, only a roadblock to my girl.

Because my doctor and I decided that 41 weeks would be our cut-off date for this pregnancy, it was time to make a decision.

At 10pm, we arrived at the hospital, I received my *Very!* *First!* IV!! at the ripe young age of nearly 29, and a lovely dose of cervidil. And hospital ice - HOW COULD I FORGET THE HOSPITAL ICE! YUM.

Anyhow, the cervidil stays in for 12 hours, causing some cramping and thinning of the cervix. For some people, it will thin the cervix enough to break the bag of waters and for labor to begin. We're hopeful this is where we'll be at 11am today when they assess the situation.

If that is the case, and labor does not progress on it's own, we will start pitocin. Through my *Very!* *First!* IV!!
***** My childhood and adult fears of anything moving, fast, sharp, dangerous and overall not intended for children over age 12 has provided me with this being my first hospitalization since my own birth in 1981. This whole "IV" thing is new to me, as is the HOSPITAL ICE, OH EM GEE. I think I might stay here an extra day for the ice. Just kidding. Kinda.

Anyhow, if pitocin is needed (and likely will be), they will start that and we will wait. After reaching 4 cm, I will be allowed to transfer to the birthing tub if I wish, and that will help with the pain management.

But I'm not going to get that far ahead of myself. Right now, I'm hanging out with my husband, who is like a child on Christmas morning, as he keeps looking over to me from his chairbed, saying "We're having a baby!" and it is the most darling thing that makes me want to cry.

He even suggested we take a picture together to post on our Facebook accounts and I look like I've no makeup on (check) after a day of 120398 degree temps and humidity (check), and the trauma (not really) of my *Very!* *First!* IV!!

One day does not seem like a long time to invest to have our lives changed FOREVER.

Come on, little one! We're waiting for you! And they have really good ice out here!

A letter to my daughter.

My dear sweet girl,

There is so much I want to say, but I don't know where to start. Thank you for taking care of your sister on her birthday. You know, sometimes I think you just know what I need and sometimes you know what I don’t need. Yesterday was her birthday. And while I thought it would be perfect to gain a daughter on the day I lost a daughter, you knew better than me that July 27th is Angel’s day. Thank you for letting us keep that as her special day. I promise your day will be so, so special too.

I had a good day yesterday. It started with an ultrasound where I got to see you and my, oh, my – You are so beautiful. I watched you wiggle around, and am still amazed that you’ve found room to do so. The technician was able to show me your beautiful beating heart and your sweet little fingers. You seemed annoyed with us, however, as you kept your hand covering your face while we were trying to take your picture. It’s okay. Sometimes I don’t like to have my picture taken either.

I left the hospital with a very blurry picture of you, almost unable to make out your features (because of your hand being over your face), but every time I look at it, I get tears in my eyes. Soon, I will be able to see you face to face, and will feel your perfect little fingers wrap around mine.

I did have a brief moment where my emotions washed over me while I was watching you. I didn’t realize when I scheduled my ultrasound (for yesterday) that I had my very first ultrasound one year ago today. It didn’t tell me what I wanted it to, but there was so much left to be said. Oh, yes. So much.

I know you’ll come when you’re ready. Just wanted to let you know that we can’t wait to meet you. (And July really is a great month to have a birthday. Wink, wink.)

Love,
Mama

Belly Love.

My friend Crooked Eyebrow took some maternity photos for me a couple of weeks ago. She did an amazing job of making me feel comfortable and beautiful, despite the humidity and excessive temperatures for 5 pm!

(this is my favorite. love love love.)

And maybe tomorrow, I will actually write something instead of just post pictures.

Putting my (not swollen!) pregnant foot down!

I love being pregnant. 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time is when people are being annoying.

I'm asked how I feel. I respond "oh, my back hurts a little today, but otherwise, I'm good." And the response is "JUST YOU WAIT! It will only get worse before it gets better! You won't be able to sleep at all in a few weeks. I felt like blah blah blah when I was pregnant for whosit."

Ok. Thank you. So next time someone asks, I will say I'm good.

*next time*

"Oh, I feel good! Thank you for asking!" And the response is "OH, WELL YOU WON'T FEEL GOOD FOR LONG! Soon, you won't be able to sleep or poop or eat or move, you'll just be miserable! Enjoy it while you can!"

Ok. Next time, I will just smile and nod.

*next time*

Smiling. Nodding. "JUST WAIT TILL THAT BABY IS BORN! YOU WON'T EVER SLEEP AGAIN! YOU WON'T EVER TAKE A SHOWER IN PEACE. YOU'LL CHANGE SO MANY POOPY DIAPERS AND YOU'LL JUST BREAKDOWN. YOU'LL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN AND YOUR BOOBS WILL BE SORE FROM BREASTFEEDING AND DON'T PLAN ON EVER DOING ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF AGAIN FOR THE NEXT 18 YEARS!"

Ok. Next time, I will pretend I don't speak English.

*next time*

"To go, please." Oh crap. That won't work.

Why must every question be followed with the woes and trials and tribulations of pregnancy? It's as if every woman who has ever had a baby is some sort of martyr for labor, delivery, and child rearing. I'm not ready to be done being pregnant. I'm ready to meet my daughter, but I love this time. However? I'm getting sick of people telling me how aweful the rest of my pregnancy is going to be, and how aweful it is to have an infant and how aweful it will be to try to be pregnant with a toddler, should that day come (even though the same woman just told me I'll never have sex again).

It makes me just want to be alone. Or with men. Which never happens.

And to top it off, I ended up in the glorious Labor & Delivery Department of my local hospital TWICE last week. And imagine my frustration when the nurse made me differentiate between pregnancies and babies. "Yes, this is my first baby." "No, this is not my first pregnancy, I had a miscarriage last year."

To which she replied "Miscarriage and Pregnancy are one in the same."

So I punched her in the face. With my uterus. And THEN, I went back to work. (What the heck is wrong with me. Duh. Take the day off, moron.)

But really. I just want a day off. A day I don't have to think or worry or deal or blargh.

My time is coming. Sometime in the next 7 weeks, I will get my day off. But I'll be in labor, which will surely be the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And then I'll spend the next 6 weeks not sleeping, with sore boobs, no sex (that one's not a joke), poopy diapers, and begging to take a shower.

But I chose this. I longed for this and prayed for this and would give anything to spend time with my daughter in the middle of the night, and get poop on my hands, and go 3 days without a shower or eating a meal while sitting at a table.

Getting pregnant wasn't a mistake. It was intentional. So please stop trying to make me regret it. It won't happen.

Our First NST!

Only for the love of my daughter would I show you this picture. Because really, there are stretch marks that won’t go away no matter what “edit” I try. And even though my stomach feels hard, it doesn’t look it in this picture.

*Sidenote – My stomach gets very hard sometimes. I learned last night, while hooked up to pink and blue, that these are actually contractions. Ha. How about that?

My little one may be a lot like her father, and if you know Aaron, then this will make more sense to you. For very long periods of time, he runs at about 78 miles per hour and he doesn’t ever stop until bed time. But then he is STILL. For a 28-year-old man who I can see, this is fine. For a 34-week-old princess whose presence is only known by her movements, I got freaked out. But don’t worry. She’s fine.

At my regularly scheduled OB appointment last night, it was suggested that I have a Non-Stress Test done due to her lack of movement during the day. I had a small 75 minute taste of what it might be like to be in the hospital. Which was scary but exciting. Outside the door, I heard a dad on the phone, emotion in his voice, repeating over and over "It's a girl!". I was teary just listening to him. She didn't have a name yet, but she was beautiful. I mean, that's what he said. I didn't actually see her. That would have been weird.

Being there, listening to the lullaby play twice during that time, it made me anxious and excited. I can't wait to meet my daughter.

{I didn't get home until almost 9pm, BUT I got ice chips. The night was not a total loss.}

ANYTHING.

If I can deal with all the things I've been handed while being 7.5 - 8.5 months pregnant,

I CAN DO ANYTHING.

{the end}

Father's Day

Bittersweet doesn't exactly describe this Father's Day.

Aaron is going to be already such an amazing Father. (Remember this shopping trip?)

But he celebrates his first Father's Day without his Father. It's just so...

...I guess bittersweet is the only word I can think of.

Oh, my sweet Aaron. I love you so much. Tiny Dancer loves you so much. We are so proud of you for the man that you are and the Daddy that you're becoming.

He Loves Her.

Friday Afternoon -

We walked into the store, he looked at me and said "We are NOT buying her all pink stuff, 'k?"

You wanna see what he picked?

Saturday night -

I walked in the door and he said "I didn't like our bedspread anymore. I bought a new one."

"What are you talking about?? We looked for that thing for 2 months! It's brand new!"

"I didn't like it anymore. I bought a new one. Go look."

(This is the bedspread we just bought. That was his trickery to get me to look at our bed. Sneaky.)

2 of Daddy's shopping trips, plus 3 pairs of shoes.


*I DIE*

Mama's Girl

I went to visit my Aunt and little cousins (6 & 7) on Thursday night. My darling little cousin asked that if I went to bed on Thursday night with a boy in my tummy, could I "make her be a girl" when I woke up on Friday.

Well, I'm not sure that's what happened, but we're getting our girl!



This picture is hard to see, but the technician was able to get another shot that was very clear. I'd been studying ultrasound pictures and when I saw the second picture she got, I was confident I was looking at 3 lines. Oh yes, I'm going to have a daughter!

She lived up to her name, Tiny Dancer, by being quite active and moving around a ton. She also wanted me to tell you she said hi.



I know I'm biased, but I think she's just beautiful.



Little Princess, Mama and Daddy love you so, so much!

A Day In The Life

So the day goes a little bit like this. I can barely pull myself out of bed because no matter how many weeks I am, I still haven’t felt this sudden burst of energy! I keep hearing about.

I drink my caffeinated tea, with my doctors approval, because if I didn’t, I would have a caffeine-withdrawal migraine.

After the tea, I have to pee. A lot.

I am tired most of the day, wishing I could crawl under my desk for a real quick (2 hours?) power nap. But work calls, and I answer the phone, answer a question, answer the call (from my boss) to manage, schedule, insure, follow up, and finally leave.

I collapse. But only into the recliner, which is fully reclined otherwise I can’t breathe. Usually I’ve taken off any constricting undergarments by this time, otherwise I really can’t breathe. The Bella Band holds up the pants that are too big, and the pants that are too small. But it makes me itch. Don’t get me started on the bra.

I eat dinner, which could be cereal or pasta or something without meat. If I was really ambitious, I would go to the grocery store to buy the ingredients for the salad that I have been craving, with cheddar cheese and full-fat Italian dressing. But when I’d get home, I’d look at it in the fridge and I wouldn’t want it anymore, so why bother.

I take out my contacts, brush my teeth, pee a few times, and say “I’m going to bed”. Then I go in the kitchen and eat something else. Maybe yogurt. Or cottage cheese, but only if I shake it up first because if I just take the lid off and see that it needs stirred, I will gag.

I’ve not done any housework because my husband loves me and knows that it takes everything in me to shower and get to work on time, and I am so, so lucky. He’s done the laundry, the dishes, and painted the nursery. He plays fetch with the dog, and makes sure he eats dinner.

So, my snack. I eat, sometimes a couple different things, usually drink some water, or some tea, and pee a couple more times before getting comfortable with my preggo pillow. I can’t sleep on my stomach. I can’t sleep on my back. It’s not comfortable to sleep on my right side because of how it pulls on my (ever-growing) stomach. So the left side it is! But then my shoulder goes numb. So I play on Twitter a little bit, chatting with friends, checking Facebook and playing Simon on my cell phone (if you have an iPhone, you need the Simon app.).

It is now 1 hour since I’ve laid down, and I am more awake than any time during the day. I get up to, you guessed it – pee, and then lay back down and pray with my whole being for some sleep.

Two or three hours later, I wake up in a sweat. Hormones, love ‘em. Of course I go pee because I’m up, and I lay back down, hoping it was just a quick break in sleep. But, hahaha, no. 2 hours and 11 trips to the bathroom later, I fall back asleep. Usually I dream about something related to food. On Sunday night, I dreamed about tomatoes and it was a beautiful, glorious dream, with perfectly ripe tomatoes overflowing in my kitchen.

The alarm goes off and I start again.

AND I LOVE IT. Every glorious bathroom-trips-in-the-middle-of-the-night-can't-eat-anything-can't-eat-enough-can't-sleep-dreaming-of-food-sciatic-pain-uterus-stretching-pain-back-pain-forgetfullness-more-bathroom-trips-minute of it.

Oh yes, Tiny Dancer. Mama loves every minute of it.

I'd love some cheese with my whine. Or some WINE.

So, I feel like all I've been doing lately is complaining. My shoulder hurts and I asked Google (BAD IDEA, BY THE WAY) what it could be, and it said preeclampsia. But when I go to the doctor, my blood pressure is usually so low that they think I should be kinda close to dead.

The only good thing about my uncle/boss having high blood pressure is that there's a bp cuff in his office (and every room of his house).

I took my blood pressure and sure enough, it's low. Like 93/60 low. Like LOW low. But still okay (low).

So, hmmm. I don't know what it is, but my OB said if I had chest pain to go to the ER and I don't think the fact that I've scratched my chest raw because my boobs are so incredibly itchy means that I have chest pain.

What is with the itchy boobs, anyhow?

Aaron is wonderful to me. On Wednesday, when this started, he made me dinner. I also got a bag of maternity clothes from a friend (!!!) and he went through the whole bag for me, holding things up to himself in a modeling fashion. And then he put on the baby carrier we got him over the weekend to humor me. Because we do not have small children or animals, he used the only bear he could find.

I'm prettttty sure it's going to need some adjusting.

Because I don't want to be a complainer (because, HELLO? I KNOW I am so fortunate and blessed. I KNOW this.), I will leave you with a couple of pictures from the wedding I shot 3 weeks ago.

Jon & Heather's mother's lit their candles for the lighting of the unity candle, and Jon lit his daugther's candle. After Jon and Heather lit the Unity candle, Izzy came up and added hers. It was precious and I cried.

I also realize that you can't see the bride or the groom in either of these pictures, but come on. She's precious.

17

Oh, little 17 week old Tiny Dancer. You are growing so much, making mommy's clothes uncomfortable, but I've never been so excited to leave the house in yoga pants.

Our food choices change pretty frequently. Up until last week, egg sandwiches were pretty great. Then, I made an egg sandwich with too much cheese, gagged on the extra cheese, and that was the end of our egg consumption.

Red meat still doesn't sound good, except for cheeseburgers. And thank you for that, because I've always loved McDonald's cheeseburgers, and they were actually the first "meat" I ate after 4 years of being a vegetarian. What can I say - I love warm pickles.

Daddy just left the room because I said "warm pickles".

We are going to find out if you're a boy or a girl in just a couple weeks! Your grandma and Aunt Payton are coming to see you that day, and are hoping you aren't shy.

I know that I am so lucky to have you. I worry that talking about you will hurt other women, all who want to be mommy's, but aren't yet.

There are other mommies who had babies growing in their bellies and they were born straight into heaven. This makes mommy's heart hurt so bad. Will you play with those babies before you come to us? Will you make sure they know that their mommies & daddies & brothers & sisters love and miss them very much?

Mommy actually had 2 brothers or sisters who were born into Heaven. They are there with you now, and I have no doubt that you are enjoying your time together before you come see us. Please tell them we love them.

I already planned our first trip, Tiny Dancer! You are going with Mommy to meet lots of other women, who want to spend time talking about how much Jesus loves us, and getting to be friends. So many of my friends already love you, sweet one, and can't wait to meet you.

But mommy & daddy are most excited to meet you!

Pink or Blue?

Our appointment today was great! Doctor used the doppler to find Tiny Dancer's heartbeat, but not after letting me know that the "thud" I kept hearing was he or she kicking at the doppler. We've got a mover and a shaker on our hands, folks. Or a soccer player.

Also, a heartbeat of 140 beats per minute, which I'm told is a "girl" heartbeat.

I had a very real dream this week that this baby was a girl, and I can't wait to find out!

But, we have 3 weeks until "The Appointment". So I took a "Am I Having A Boy Or Girl?" quiz. The results were, well....inconclusive. My notes/thoughts are in italics.

You are carrying your extra weight out front, so it's a boy. My rear does not need to get any bigger, thankyouverymuch.

The hair on your legs is growing faster during pregnancy, so it's a boy. I wouldn't know this due to lack of shaving or anything. *cough*

You are carrying high. Girls are carried high. I don't think it's Bebe that's high in my belly. I think it's my bladder.

Sleeping in a bed with your pillow to the north indicates that you will be having a boy. How does this matter? It's about where my bed is. If I faced my pillow south, I would have my feet in Aaron's face.

Your feet are not colder than they were before pregnancy. You are having a girl. It's February. In Indiana. I don't feel like I can judge this just yet.

You refuse to eat the heel of a loaf of bread. You are having a girl. I ALWAYS refuse to eat the heel of the loaf of bread. It goes to the dog.

Dad-to-be hasn't been gaining weight along with Mom-to-be, so it will be a girl. Dad is on a 12-week "Change Your Life" diet. Not fair.

You had morning sickness early in pregnancy, so you are expecting a girl. And I'm still down 6 lbs. You go, girl.

You are not looking particularly good during pregnancy. Therefore, it must be a girl, because girls steal their mother's looks. She is in trouble.

Your chest development has not been very dramatic during pregnancy. You should expect a boy. I've got nothin'. It's true. They're not growing.

Since the sum of the mother's age at conception and the number of the month of conception is an odd number, it will be a girl. My adorable nail technician also says that according to the Chinese calendar, I'm having a girl. And I trust her. Because she's from China.

Your urine is a bright neon yellow color, so you will have a boy. It's from the vitamins, I swear.

You have a craving for salty or sour foods, which means that it is a boy. Does anyone have any guacamole?

Your nose hasn't changed during pregnancy, which indicates a girl. Unless we're talking sense of smell...

You have been craving fruits, so it is a girl. Wait. Didn't this just say my cravings meant "boy"?

You have no desire for orange juice, so it's a boy. Orange juice gives me a sore throat. Always.

Your belly looks like a basketball, so it's a boy. Either that or I have a beach ball up my shirt.

You show people the palm of your hand, so it's a girl. I'm hopeful someone will see a million dollars in my future.

You use the handle to pick up a mug, so it's a boy. Yes, if it were a mug, I'd use the handle. If it were a margarita, I'd use a really big straw.

So, what do you say? Did you vote in my poll yet??

Due Date.

February 18.

I made it. I made it through the day.

In fact, I made it through yesterday with an unspeakable joy! It could only be from your prayers and the power of the Holy Spirit. For this, I am so thankful.

I thought it would be hard, and I didn't know how I could make it. And it was, but I did, WE did, and here we are.

We are here. Me, Aaron, and Tiny Dancer.

And Angel. We will always have Angel.

(To those who remembered with cards, texts, and facebook messages - Thank you for not forgetting. You made the day so much easier.)

Hi Guys!

Hi there, just Tiny Dancer checking in. My mom is 15 weeks pregnant with me today! I'm doing well and my mom's pretty good too. I haven't been making her feel sick much anymore, but I still take all of her energy. She would sleep all day if she didn't have to work.

I am growing and growing, so her belly is stretching so that I fit. She has funny pains that feel like someone snapped a rubberband at her belly! She says "ouch!" and then her belly itches and she laughs. I think it's pretty funny.

My mom and dad went to visit my Aunt for her birthday, and my mom got to see all the neat things my Nana has already bought for me! I am going to be SO spoiled! I already can't wait!

This week is the week my baby brother or sister would have been here. My mom and dad tell me that they are SO happy I am growing in my mom's belly and they are so excited to find out if I'm a boy or a girl so they can start decorating my bedroom and talking about what my name will be. But I know my mom still thinks about my little sister each day, and is so glad that I'm growing just like I should be.

My mom is so thankful for all the friends who came here last week to support her friend Kristine and my friend Cora. My mom learned a lot from Cora and will make sure I get the tests I need so that I can be healthy. Thank you for caring about others.

I have to go now. My mom wants something to eat. I make it really hard for her to decide, but I promise you it is not chicken. Not today, at least.

Each Day

I don't know that I will ever feel confident with this pregnancy. I am scared. I am not scared to admit this to you.

I'm afraid to buy maternity clothes, because what if I don't need them?

I'm afraid to buy baby items, because what if I don't need them?

We're afraid to talk about names, because what if we never get to use it?

I know that this fear is common after suffering a miscarriage, but I also know that this fear is not Godly. I know that God determined this day hundreds of years ago. He knew whether I would be pregnant or not, and He knows how this pregnancy will go.

But trusting Him is hard.

I know that it is worth it, and that I will be rewarded for my obedience, but oh, it is so hard.

Oh, sweet tiny dancer, we love you so, so much.

Valentine's Day Cards

Thank you all for your well wishes for me and Baby Cline! We feel incredibly blessed by our family and friends, and by you, the readers of this blog/Twitter friends/Facebook world.

I will be happy to answer any questions that Baby Cline left unanswered, just leave a comment below. The most common question is "how far along are you" and today marks 13 weeks. I am feeling good today, and hoping this trend continues!

We announced our pregnancy to our parents and siblings around Christmas, but waited to tell (most!) everyone else until we were able to send out a Valentine's Day Annoucement! I know that it's a bit early for a Valentine's Day Card, but we just couldn't wait.

I was thrilled to be chosen through MomMadeThat to do a review of Two Silly Sisters Etsy Store. I had the opportunity to work with Stacey from Two Silly Sisters, and told her that I was looking for a pregnancy announcement/Valentine's Day card, and I have to say, she took a few sentences of what I was looking for and created cards that I was thrilled with!

(the front)

(the back)

The cards are printed on 5x5 white cardstock, and included white envelopes for mailing. The cost of mailing was higher due to the size of the envelope, but I considered it a small price to pay for such gorgeous cards.
Our family and friends were excited to receive the cards (a few of them are on their way - sorry for the delay) and I was so pleased with how they turned out!

Stacey has also provided 3 sets of notecards for one of my loyal blog readers!

There are 8 cards/8 envelopes of each design. One winner will be chosen for the entire set of 24 notecards.

Wanna win?!

To enter:

1. Leave a comment with a pregnancy tip, pregnancy or baby item you had to have, or piece of information you think I really should know!

2. Follow this blog.

3. Follow me on Twitter.

4. Tweet the following:

There is a beautiful set of 24 notecards up for grabs from @nataliejanette. Enter here - http://tinyurl.com/yk3oe9a

Please leave a separate comment for each entry!

Winner will be chosen on Thursday, February 4, after 9pm CST. Winner will be contacted by email, so please make sure you leave your email address if you do not log in using your Google account. Winner will have 48 hours to respond, or another winner will be chosen. Open to US residents only.

I blog with integrity. I was not monetarily compensated for this giveaway, but was given 20 announcement cards from Two Silly Sisters to review. This review brought to you by MomMadeThat.Com